I'll Be Home for Solstice

2. Must also include the following phrases somewhere in the dialogue:
"You never give me flowers."
"My Grandma got ran over by a chariot"
"Chestnuts roasting on an open fire"
"A bowl full of jelly"
"Do you hear what I hear?"

"I'll be home for Solstice, you can count on me," Iolaus sang off-key as he added more wood to fire before him. "I'll be home for Solstice, if only in my dreams…" In my dreams! I got that right! he thought sarcastically as he looked towards the entrance of the cave.

The blond warrior was waiting for his famous half-god partner to return from a quick hunting foray. Though normally their positions would be reversed with Iolaus doing the hunting and Hercules tending the fire, a twisted ankle prevented him from fulfilling his normal task. Iolaus adjusted the bandage wrapped around his swollen ankle before trying to rub some warmth back into his exposed toes.

Damn my clumsiness! The blond silently berated himself. If I'd seen that stupid hole, this wouldn't have happened and we'd be nearly home! Now we'll have to spend another Solstice away from Herc's family! He was so looking forward to being home this year, especially since we didn't make it home last year.

After diverting yet another god-induced disaster and determined to be home for Winter Solstice, the two heroes had pushed themselves to get to Jason and Alcmene's homestead before sunset. Of course, the trek included getting over a mountain range and crossing a wide expanse of rolling hills in less than a day. It was an obstacle the demigod could easily have overcome on his own, so Iolaus had resolved to match his large friend's pace no matter what the cost to see to it Hercules made it home in time.

That was, of course, before his foot had lost the confrontation with a rabbit hole. Not wanting to be the reason his best friend would miss the holiday, Iolaus had generously offered to be carried or even be left behind. Hercules had rejected both ideas and the subsequent arguments Iolaus had given him. Instead, the demigod had searched the area until he had discovered this cave, then he made his partner comfortable within its sheltering walls before heading out to hunt their Solstice Eve meal.

Dejected, Iolaus picked up his boot and tossed it aside. The footgear landed on one of the hunter's carry-sacks. A small, furry form shot out from the depths of the cloth sack and disappeared into the inky darkness beyond the campfire. Instantly repentant for his actions, Iolaus called out, "Chaos! Hey, I'm sorry, Little One! I didn't mean to scare you!"

The blond strained to see into the cave, but could see no sign of the slinky critter. "Chaos?" Angrily, he muttered, "Yeah, good going, Iolaus! Ruin his holiday, too."

After a few moments, a small, weasel-like animal emerged slowly from the cover of darkness. The ferret, nose twitching, cautiously sniffed the ground and tested the air before deciding the coast was clear. Chaos ambled towards Iolaus, paused long enough to sniff the bandage wrapped around the human's ankle, then jumped onto a leather-clad leg and moved closer until he was within arms' reach.

"Sorry, little friend," the hunter apologized as he rubbed the ferret's heavier winter coat, "I didn't mean to do that. Guess I'm just in a bad mood." Chaos had taken critical interest in the warrior's right gauntlet, thus allowing Iolaus to get the full therapeutic effect that came with petting a soft, furry critter. "Ya know, you dashed out of there pretty fast. I guess I don't have to worry about you getting run over by a chariot or something. Did you know my grandma got run over by a chariot? I know what you're thinking, but it was not Leandra, but my mother's mother. They never did get the guy who did that…"

Iolaus quit talking when he realized he was babbling, and to a ferret, no less. He shook his head at the wonder of it, then giggled when he realized his bad mood had fled. He still felt guilty for ruining his best friend's holiday, but he at least didn't feel totally awful.

The mood didn't last when the demigod returned. Hercules tossed the two quail he'd bagged onto the ground near Iolaus. "I caught 'em, you clean and cook 'em." Seeing the solemn look on his best friend's face confirmed the hunter's concern: Hercules was angry with him for messing up the holiday.

Sighing quietly, Iolaus gently set Chaos aside and began preparing the birds for roasting. Wordlessly, Hercules sat down and rummaged through his pack, so Iolaus bent to his task, continuing his own silent vigil. There was a brief repose in the tension when Chaos began playing with a couple of tail feathers yanked from the unfortunate game birds. The ferret deftly batted the feathers to and fro, pausing briefly to chew on the quill ends, only to start the game again.

The sport made both partners chuckle. When the antics slowed a short while later, Iolaus tossed a leg from one of the freshly plucked birds close to the ferret. Chaos quickly abandoned the evening's entertainment for dinner. He snapped up the quail leg then sauntered back to his carry-sack and disappeared inside.

Iolaus spitted the quail and placed them over the fire. He fiddled with the ends of the spits for awhile, nervously glancing at his partner. The tense silence between them was weighing more heavily on the compact warrior than his fear of hearing what his partner might have to say about his clumsiness. Finally, he took a deep breath and looked straight at his partner. "Look, Herc, I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" Hercules asked, genuinely perplexed by the statement. "What do you have to be sorry for?"

"You know, for ruining the holiday."

"How are you responsible for that? I'm the one who dragged us away from that nice family who wanted us to stay. We might not have been home, but at least we would have been warm."

"But if I hadn't hurt my ankle, we might have made it."

"That was my fault, Iolaus. If I hadn't pushed the pace, you probably would have seen that rabbit hole and been able to avoid it instead of stepping into it."

"I pushed myself, Herc. I don't blame you." Iolaus paused before asking, "If you aren't angry, why did you look so-" he struggled to find the proper word, "serious when you got back from hunting?"

Hercules thought about the question a moment. He smiled slightly. "I wasn't angry, my friend, just thinking. I'm sorry if it came across that way."

"Oh, okay," the blond accepted.

"When you didn't say anything when I came back, I actually thought that you were mad at me for-well, you know," he gestured to Iolaus' foot.

"I guess we were both worried about nothing," Iolaus shook his head. He glanced at the roasting quail then smiled. "The circumstances might not be the greatest, but I'm glad I'm spending the time with my best friend."

"Me, too," the demigod returned the hunter's brilliant smile with one of his own.

More relaxed now that he'd gotten his guilt dealt with, the flaxen-haired warrior settled back and poked at the burning kindling that made up their fire. "I'll certainly miss your mother's roast lamb with all those yummy veggies and a bowl full of her famous mint jelly."

"What are you talking about?" Hercules interjected good-naturedly. "Who needs lamb and vegetables when we have quail and chestnuts roasting on an open fire? How many can say they have this for Solstice?" The demigod gestured about them at the small fire, the dark cave beyond them, their meager belongings.

Chuckling softly, Iolaus smiled. "Aren't we the lucky ones?"

"It's because we're special," the son of Zeus agreed.

Iolaus snatched up his waterskin. "A toast!" He waited as Hercules found his own waterskin and popped the stopper. "To Greece's greatest heroes!"

Though he didn't usually pat himself on the back, Hercules allowed this one moment of self-praise: for Iolaus who, in the demigod's mind, truly deserved the title of "hero." "To us!"

They touched waterskins then drank deeply.

As Hercules set aside his waterskin, he queried, "Now, do you want to explain why you bought my mother red and green fabric for a Solstice present?" He nodded towards his partner's carry-sack. There, half-out of the sack, lay lengths of fabrics brightly dyed red and green for the gods only knew what reason. On the cloth, curled in a small cozy nest, lay Chaos fast asleep.

"Ah, Chaos!" Iolaus reached out then paused, his hand mere inches from the slumbering animal. He straightened, giving his partner a resigned look as he waved his right hand dismissively. "Might as well let sleeping ferrets lie. He'll just do it again after we go to sleep."

"True," Hercules agreed. He turned the quail on the spit and checked the leaf-wrapped tubers placed on the coals near the edge. Not, he thought with a smile, the chestnuts I mentioned earlier. "How is it you thought Mother would want red and green fabric?" Before his blond companion could form a retort, he continued, "It wouldn't have had anything to do with that pretty blonde at that one booth I saw you talking to, would it?"

"No," Iolaus stated, then he amended, quieter, "well, not directly, anyway."

Hercules raised his eyebrows in question.

"We were just talking. You know, chatting," the hunter explained. "Then she says, 'Do you hear what I hear?' Next thing I know, half her display is falling to the ground."

"Chaos," the demigod guessed.

"Chaos," Iolaus agreed. "I'm beginning to wish he was named Peacemaker or Monsterslayer or something less dangerous to us if he's going to live up to his name."

Hercules laughed quietly.

"Anyway, I figured I had to make it up to her somehow."

"So you bought the fabric."

"Yeah," Iolaus shrugged. "Well, we haven't exactly had time to shop with all the running around we've been doing."

Realizing the truth of his friend's statement, the demigod grimaced. They'd spent so much of the last month racing from one crisis to another, he hadn't even thought about the upcoming Solstice. Oh, he knew his mother would just be happy to see them alive and well (if one discounted Iolaus' hurt ankle), but he still should have found time to get her and Jason something.

Trying to ally his feelings of guilt, he asked, "And that faint jingling noise coming from your pack?"

"Um, something for Jason."

"Something?"

"Yeah, something." Seeing his best friend was giving him that look and the subject wouldn't' be closed until he "confessed," the golden-haired hunter scooted over to his pack. Gently he pulled the remainder of the brightly-colored fabric out of the pack, tucked it about his furry companion. He smiled at the still dozing critter. "Happy Solstice, Little One," he murmured as Chaos rolled onto his back, rear legs tucked close to his body, front paws extended as if batting away an unseen enemy even though he was still fast sleep.

Iolaus reached into his pack and extracted a cloth-wrapped bundle that tinkled. He removed the cloth to reveal a length of harness with round bells attached at short intervals. "Something he can put on his wagon horse."

Hercules took the harness. The movement caused the bells to ring merrily. He grinned. "Jingle bells? You think Jason will put jingle bells on his wagon?"

"Well," the smaller man answered slowly. "I couldn't find anything he might even remotely use. What do you get for a man who had everything he ever wanted when he was the King of Corinth and now says he's perfectly happy settled down with the woman he loves?"

"Good point." Hercules gave the harness another shake before handing it back to his partner. He watched as Iolaus wrapped the cloth around the harness, effectively muffling the jingling bells, then stowed it back in his pack. "At least you remembered to get them something."

"Hey, we've been busy!" Iolaus reminded. "Alcmene will just be glad to see you're still alive."

Hercules shook his head as, once again, Iolaus seemed to have read his thoughts.

Not noticing the headshake as he was easing his bandaged ankle closer to the fire to keep his bare toes warm, the hunter added, "If you want, we can say these are from both of us. I don't mind."

"Thanks, buddy, but no. You bought 'em, you can take full credit for 'em."

"You just think they're pathetic gifts and don't want to be associated with 'em," he answered with a mock-pout. He threw his hands up as if to stave off an argument. "No, that's okay! Alcmene will say the fabric was just what she'd been looking for! And Jason will rush out to attach the bells to his harness! You'll see!"

The son of Zeus couldn't help but smile at his friend's wretched, albeit fake, tone of voice. "You're probably right," he retorted. He checked the quail for doneness. Deeming them ready, he lifted their holiday meals off the fire. "Gee, I can't wait to see what you've gotten me."

"You? Was I supposed to get you something?" Iolaus teased as he took one of the quail from his friend. "Oops. Sorry. Hey, tell ya what," the blond offered, "you can have Chaos."

"No thanks. One troublemaking partner is enough."

"Hey! I resemble that remark!"

"So you do."

Iolaus opened his mouth to say something, closed it then smiled at his lifelong companion and best friend. "Happy Solstice, Herc."

"Happy Solstice, Iolaus."

A heartbeat later found the two partners standing next to the stone wall that protected Jason and Alcmene's front courtyard. Iolaus' sheathed sword hung at his side; his carry-sack was slung over his shoulder. A snuffling noise in his right ear let him know that Chaos was perched on his shoulder. "Um, Herc-"

Hercules glanced around quickly, taking stock of the sudden change in their situation. The sun was just beginning to set, so whatever had happened to them had taken place instantaneously. That meant only one thing in the demigod's mind: a god was involved. "Yeah, Iolaus, I noticed. You all right?"

"Fine. In fact," he shifted from one foot to the other without a hint of his previous injury, "my ankle's healed." The hunter looked around. "We're at your mother's."

"So I noticed."

Iolaus looked at his friend, his brow furrowed, then reached out to pull an item from Hercules' pack. In his hand he held a beautiful bouquet of mixed flowers. Even uncovered, the flowers seemed unaffected by the cold nip in the air. Definitely the work of a god, Iolaus figured. He glanced at the small tag tied to the stem of a red rose then held them out to his partner.

"Gee, Iolaus, you never give me flowers," Hercules joked. Tentatively, he sniffed one of the bright blooms.

"Hardy-har-har," the blond replied, automatically reaching up to give Chaos a rub on the head. The ferret leaned into the scratch. "It says they're for your mother," he remarked then added, more seriously, "So, which of the gods do you think is responsible for this?"

"I don't know and you know what?" The son of Zeus adjusted the pack more comfortably on his back as he started towards the front gate. "I don't care."

"You don't care?" Iolaus retorted. "You should. That's your job, you know." He glanced at the setting sun. "And we're almost too late for Solstice Eve dinner. You know you're mother doesn't like us being late. You don't deserve anything for Solstice for that reason alone." As he followed his friend, he sang, "Herc's getting nuttin' for Solstice, Alcmene and Jason are mad, Herc's getting nuttin' for Solstice, 'cause he ain't been nuttin' but bad..."

A short way up the road, watching the entire scene, stood an unlikely pair of Olympians. The scantily clad, voluptuous blond goddess of Love linked her slender arm through the muscular arm of the dark-haired, scarred god of the Forge. Aphrodite leaned over to give her fiery lover a quick kiss on the mouth. "Thanks for the help, Hephie. Sweetcheeks and Herkie shouldn't have to spend another Solstice away from their family."

"It's my pleasure, Dite. After all, Iolaus never did take me up that offer of weapons, so this is the least I can do for him."

"How about we head back to your place and I'll give you a Solstice present that'll really heat up that old forge!" Aphrodite wiggled her hips seductively.

Hephestus smiled. "Looks like everybody's having a happy Solstice this year," he remarked as they disappeared.

2/3/01

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