"Iolaus?" The demi-god was met with silence. He waited. "Ee -o-laus!" he teased in a child's singsong voice. There was still no response from the motionless form. 'Enough is enough' he thought. ' It was well past sunrise and the least his friend could do was answer. "IOLAUS!" he barked. "What?!" Iolaus replied angrily through clenched teeth. Hercules was startled by the reply. 'Okay' Herc thought, 'something's definitely not right.' Ever since he had stumbled upon the hunter's camp last evening he was becoming more and more certain that his friend was annoyed with his intrusion. What had happened?
A few days before, they had parted ways on the road to Kyprios.
"Herc," Iolaus said, motioning with a tilt of his head toward the road, "I think you should go on alone. I'll catch up in a few days."
"Are you sure?" Hercules had asked sensing that his closest friend was troubled.
Iolaus nodded. "Go ahead, I'll be right behind you."
Hercules smiled . He was certain that Iolaus was weary from the journey they had just completed and did not want to admit this to him. Hercules nodded, "Okay, I'll see you in a couple of days." And with that, Hercules went on into town and waited for his friend to arrive.
After three days had passed and Iolaus hadn't appeared, Hercules became worried. He knew the hunter was not his usual happy-go-lucky self. He set out to find his friend and backtracked to the place in the road where they had parted ways. He found no trace of his friend. It was almost as if he disappeared. Hercules actually found the hunter by accident. He knew he would have to set up camp soon as sundown approached. He decided to camp by the riverbank. He was making his way down toward the water when he spotted a small campfire. His friend was sitting against a large tree, far beyond where he could have gleaned the fire's warmth. Hercules walked toward him and called out. "Iolaus, are you okay?"
Iolaus raised his head slowly. He never answered his friend's question. Instead, he asked one of his own. "What are you doing here? I told you I'd be right along." His voice was hushed and measured. He never made eye contact with the demi-god but looked vacantly beyond him.
"Well, it's been three days and -"
Iolaus' head snapped up quickly in response. 'THREE DAYS?! How could that be?' Iolaus looked into Hercules' eyes briefly. 'No, his friend was not lying to him. By the gods, three days.' Iolaus lowered his eyes to the campfire. "I'm sorry ,Hercules. I guess I didn't realize how much time had passed." There was a melancholy in Iolaus' voice that alarmed the big man.
"Um, well, do you mind if I bed down here for the night?" Hercules prodded, hoping to stimulate further conversation.
"Of course not," Iolaus answered quietly. Then he leaned back against the tree and closed his eyes. That was the last time Iolaus spoke until now.
"Iolaus, what's wrong? Is it something I did?" Hercules waited for his friend's reply. "Iolaus, answer me," he pleaded. It was not like his friend to be so distant. Still there was no response. "All right ,that's it." Hercules sighed and walked over to where his friend lay. "C'mon, get up and talk to me." There was still no movement from beneath the threadbare blanket. "Fine, if you won't get up yourself then I'll get you up." Hercules reached down to touch his friend but before he could reach him, Iolaus had rolled over and pulled himself up into fighting crouch. Hercules had seen this move done a hundred times in battle, he never expected it now.
"Please Herc, no," he pleaded with quiet desperation. "Leave me, if 15 years can't fix this - " Iolaus stopped, the rest of his words choking him. He hung his head and sighed raggedly. "Please, let me be. I promise you, I'll catch up." His voice almost broke, nearly betraying him.
"Iolaus, you're my best friend, my brother, whatever it is - please let me help." Hercules felt as if someone had torn open his chest and ripped out his heart. His friend, his brother, was in pain and didn't want his help. ' What was it Iolaus had said? 15 years? What in Tartarus happened 15 years ago?' he wondered.
"Please, Hercules," Iolaus whispered. "Please."
Hercules didn't know what to do. 'How could he leave his friend like this?' He knew Iolaus too well. This was not something to be taken lightly. "Iolaus, I wish ..."
Hercules began but was cut off by another whispered , "Please."
"Okay," Hercules sighed, "but promise me you won't leave this campsite unless I'm with you. I'm worried about you, Iolaus. You mean too much to me to just walk away with you - well, promise me."
"I promise," the hunter said with resignation. "I'll stay here." And to himself he added, 'for now.'
Not another word was spoken between them as Hercules prepared to leave. He knew that he couldn't leave Iolaus alone. He was much too unaware of his surroundings and it made him easy prey for bandits or beasts. He also knew that Iolaus felt he needed time alone to deal with whatever demons he was battling. He looked furtively over to where Iolaus sat, hoping to catch his friend's gaze. Instead he saw his brother in life staring into the last smoldering embers of the campfire, unaware of the demi-gods stare. Hercules turned and began to walk away, the worry in his heart weighing heavily.
Iolaus closed his eyes sensing his best friend's departure. A single tear found it's way down his face. 'Hercules,' he thought, 'how can I do this without her? How can I ask you to help? We both need her.' He opened his eyes and sighed. But before he could call out to his friend, the memories came crashing in.
"Iolaus? Where are you my wonderfully handsome husband?" Ania called into the barn. Iolaus peered down from the loft.
"Hey ,you forgot brave and strong and smart!" he answered down to his young wife.
"I didn't forget humble," she said with a snort, hands on her hips. "Now come on down and give your very pregnant wife a kiss!"
"Your wish is my command my fair queen," and with that Iolaus jumped down from his perch in the hay above. He took his wife into his arms and looked deeply into her warm brown eyes. 'By the gods,' he thought, 'I could lose myself in her eyes.' He smiled then kissed her gently, his lips barely grazing hers.
"Is that the best you can do husband?" Ania asked, a wicked grin forming on her lips.
"Well, well, well my wife, what more could you want? I've been working my fingers raw in here and you demand more?" his cerulean eyes sparkled with amusement.
"Kiss me now my husband before you have to go."
"Go? Go where?"
"It's time Iolaus. I'll need Alcemene soon."
Iolaus' heart leapt to his throat. 'Now? Time - our baby!' his mind raced. "Oh my love," he cried out and was surprised by the emotion in his voice. "I love you so much." He kissed her deeply, reveling in her touch.
Ania placed her small hands on his shoulders. She pushed him back slowly. "Iolaus, you need to be going."
"Will you be okay? Do you need me to get something for you? Let's get you into the house..." Iolaus couldn't stop talking.
Ania began to chuckle. "Iolaus, I'm fine. Just don't take too long. If our son is anything like his father he will be very restless to get going!"
Iolaus took the wagon to Alcemene's . He barely remembered the ride to her home; all he could think of was his wife and unborn child. Iolaus stopped the wagon by the front gate. "Alcemene? It's time!" he jumped down from the wagon and ran to her front door. Alcemene met him in the doorway.
"Iolaus," she smiled and hugged him tightly. "I'll just be a minute. Get your things into the wagon and I'll be right there."
Iolaus went into the barn and pulled the dusty coverlet off the workbench. He ran his hand slowly over the surface of the cradle. With his fingers he traced the carving on the headboard. It was a replica of the amulet he wore. He had spent hours sanding and polishing the wood until it had shone. It was to be a gift for his newborn child. He carefully lifted the deceptively heavy piece and brought it to the wagon. Once it was safely placed, he returned to the barn. He lifted a second coverlet to reveal a well-crafted rocking chair. The wood had benefit from the same care as the cradle; the sheen was so brilliant it nearly glowed. He carried the chair to the wagon and placed it securely with the cradle. The chair was a gift for the mother of his child, his Ania. When he was satisfied that both pieces were securely fastened to the wagon, he returned to help Alcemene with her things.
The ride back was uneventful - almost. Iolaus was lost in his thoughts when Alcemene touched his arm and spoke. "You know, you'll be a wonderful father, Iolaus."
Iolaus turned to look at the mother of his best friend. 'How did she know what I was thinking?' he wondered. Iolaus grinned back at her. "Thanks - I guess every man must wonder..." "Iolaus every man and woman wonders if they'll be a good parent." Iolaus raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "Women, too?" he asked.
"Yes, my dear, even we women have doubts about parenthood. Don't worry, you and Ania will be wonderful parents," she patted his arm gently.
Iolaus' eyes clouded. "I wish Hercules were here," he said softly.
Alcemene sighed. She wished her son was here too. She was disappointed that he hadn't made his way home for the birth of his best friend's child. She silently hoped he was safe and on his way home. The rest of the trip found each of them lost in their own thoughts.
They found Ania in the kitchen of the small farmhouse. Her labor had begun in earnest as soon as Iolaus had left for Alcemene's. She was leaning against the door frame to their bedroom. "Iolaus!" she cried out through clenched teeth.
Alcemene rushed to her side. "Ania, look at me," she instructed. Ania looked into the older woman's eyes. "Breathe deeply, slowly now," she continued as she motioned Iolaus to carry his wife into their room.
The next few hours seemed an eternity for the brave hunter. He sat helplessly by the fire listening to his wife's muffled cries in anguish. When he thought he could listen no longer he would call out, "Alcemene, please let me help!"
From the back room an increasingly tired Alcemene would reply, "Iolaus, not yet. I'll call you when it's time."
The night passed into day bringing a renewed sense of urgency in Iolaus. He began to pace about the cramped room silently hoping that the birth was near. 'My poor Ania,' he lamented, 'how much more can she take?' He suddenly realized that things had gotten quiet, too quiet.
"Iolaus? Please help -" Alcemene's words pierced the silence. In an instant Iolaus was by Alcemene's side. He looked down to where his young wife lay. Her face was ashen and drawn. Her dark hair was soaked with perspiration; small tendrils lay plastered against her face and neck. He reached down and tenderly brushed away the hair from her face. "Iolaus." Alcemene called him back from his thoughts. It was then that he realized Alcemene was crying. "Please Iolaus, help me, the child is still in the birth canal." Iolaus stared back at her, not understanding the desperation in her voice. "Iolaus, I'm losing them both. We have to get the baby out. If we don't, they'll both die."
Iolaus looked into her eyes. "Tell me, Alcemene. Tell me what to do!" he pleaded. Iolaus became acutely aware of every sight and sound occurring in the room. A part of his mind captured images that would play over and over well after this day had passed.
"Iolaus, get behind her. Hold her so can't move," Alcemene issued instructions one after another.
Iolaus blindly obeyed, his arms trembling. "Please don't let her die", he prayed aloud. He looked toward Alcemene. It was then that his heart knew to give up hope. Everywhere he looked there was blood - Ania's blood; he was losing her. Alcemene caught his gaze.
"Iolaus," she said softly, "the child is free. Come here." Iolaus released his wife and went to the foot of the bed. Alcemene handed him the tiny child. "Hold him Iolaus. Rub him gently."
"He's not breathing, Alcemene."
She placed his right hand on the child's chest. "Help him Iolaus. Keep rubbing him gently. Clear his mouth. I must tend to Ania." His wife's name rang like a klaxon through him. He shuddered and fought the urge to look upon her. He focused instead on the tiny infant in his hands. "C'mon son, fight. You can do it. Breathe, breathe for daddy," he said to his son. Tears ran down Iolaus' face . 'I'm losing him, too,' he thought. 'He's so cold.'
"Iolaus," Alcemene called out to him. He turned and looked into her eyes. She was crying. "I'm so sorry. There's nothing more I can do..." "Is she?" "No, but it won't be long. Go to her."
Iolaus walked over to his wife. She was lying still, her eyes closed. Alcemene took the child from him and continued to stimulate his breathing. "Ania? Ania, my love, we have a son." Iolaus tried valiantly not to cry. He sat on the bed and wrapped his arms around her. A ragged sob escaped him as she opened her eyes.
"Iolaus?"
"Yes, my love."
"A son?"
"Yes, Ania, a son."
"Good ," she smiled and closed her eyes.
"Ania? Ania? Look at me!" Ania slowly opened her eyes and tried to focus. She was so tired.
"Iolaus, I'm sorry."
"Sorry? For what my love? I love you so much!"
"Iolaus," she sighed, her breathing becoming shallow. "Take care of him. I'll be waiting for you both."
"No, Ania, don't give up! I can't - please-"
"Promise me," she interrupted.
"Anything," the word barely escaped his throat. "Don't...be sad. I love you...always." She looked into his eyes, then took her last breath.
"Ania? Ania? Noooo," Iolaus moaned. He closed his eyes tightly. Tears ran freely down his cheeks as he rocked his dead wife in his arms.
"Iolaus." He looked up, eyes wide with sorrow.
"He's dead, isn't he." He spoke the words as a fact, not a question. Alcemene handed him his son - the son he had always wanted. The son whom Iolaus knew would have grown up to be proud to have Iolaus as his father. His small form was cold and still. Iolaus took him and placed him gently in the crook of Ania's arm. He pulled a blanket from the bed up around them. His tears had stopped - he had no more left to cry. "They're cold," he stated, tucking the blanket around them, still holding his wife and child. Alcemene sat beside him on the rocking chair that he had so lovingly made in tribute to his wife and their love.
"I tried everything I knew - I even prayed to Zeus - I'm so sorry," she cried as she stroked his hair.
He slowly turned to meet her stare. His eyes were pale and dull. "It's not your fault. I know that. Don't blame yourself," his voice was monotone. He continued, "I'll need some warm water and cloths. I need to prepare them for..."
"Iolaus, let me -"
"No, Alcemene. I have to be the one. Please, just bring me what I need."
Alcemene looked into his eyes and found a vacancy where once light and laughter played. Her heart was breaking. He had no one but her and Hercules. Once again she prayed silently for her son's return. She feared that alone she would never be able to help Iolaus through his loss.
She leaned over and kissed his forehead. "I'll be back with the water and linens."
Iolaus nodded. "Thank you."
As Alcemene turned to leave Iolaus added, "She loved you very much." Alcemene's eyes filled with tears. "I loved her too. She was like a daughter -" Alcemene never finished. She left the room before her grief overtook her.
Hercules watched his friend from across the river. He was sitting by a large rock where he could watch Iolaus but not readily be detected. Iolaus was still sitting at the base of the tree. Occasionally Hercules would hear a few sounds; a word, a sob. Minutes passed and Iolaus became very still. Hercules panicked. He stared at his friend trying to detect the rise and fall of his chest. Hercules could not stand it any longer. He had gone over and over in his mind the events of the past week. He was having trouble finding a clue as to why Iolaus was in such a state. The day before they had set out for Kyprios, the two heroes has assisted a farmer by doing some repairs on the roof of his barn. The farmer's son had come back from a hunt with venison. The farmer's wife prepared a bountiful meal that they all shared. That evening, Iolaus entertained the family with stories of their exploits. The farmer's son, Andreas, was particularly drawn to Iolaus. The boy had listened intently to each tale. Later, Iolaus and the boy spoke of hunting and fishing. The next morning the two friends set off on the road to Kyprios.
Hercules ran his hands through his hair. 'What was he missing? What was it about 15 years ago that Iolaus ...' An audible groan escaped the demi-god. 'How could have forgotten? How could he have been so blind? Ania and Iolaus's son! Oh my dear friend, how can I help?' Hercules was now certain of what he should do. He was going to Iolaus and would not leave him until this was all resolved.
Iolaus was tired. His head throbbed and his body ached. He needed to sleep but feared what his dreams would bring. He missed Alcemene now more than ever. She was the one who could pull him back from his memories. Help him deal with the emptiness he felt. She always understood. She had been there for him even when his best friend was absent. He took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly. He knew what Alcemene would say. "Iolaus you must get some rest," he heard her voice say to him as if she were by his side. He smiled at the thought and relaxed ,as sleep finally claimed him.
Hercules approached the hunter carefully. He wasn't sure how Iolaus would accept his return. When he got close enough to be detected he called out to his friend. "Iolaus, it's me." Iolaus didn't react to Hercules' voice. Hercules got closer. "Iolaus? Can you hear me?"
Iolaus opened one eye to the demi-god. "Hi, Herc."
"Hi yourself. How are you doing my friend?" Hercules never waited for an answer . He walked over to his friend and sat down beside him.
"I guess if I said I was fine you wouldn't believe me, huh?" Hercules laughed in spite of the heaviness in his heart. "No, I wouldn't. Besides, it's time for no more secrets Iolaus. " Hercules unconsciously wrapped his arms around his friend. When he realized what he had done he waited for Iolaus to pull away. Iolaus never did.
"It's the past, isn't it? Your memories?" Hercules asked him softly.
Iolaus pulled back to look in his friend's eyes. "How did you know?"
"Iolaus, I know how the past can sometimes sneak up on you so quickly that you don't realize what hit you."
Iolaus nodded. "The farmer and his family. Herc, he was my age. His son - " Iolaus stopped. He swallowed deliberately and continued. "My son would have been his age if he had survived." Iolaus began to weep . "I feel so lost. Your mother could always help me."
"Alcemene?"
Iolaus nodded. "Herc, she was there for everything. My Ania loved her you know."
Hercules felt a twinge of sorrow when Iolaus spoke of Alcemene. "And I wasn't, was I my friend?" Hercules was downhearted at the thought of not being there all those many years ago.
"I never blamed you for that Hercules. You need to know that."
"But my mother? Iolaus , I had no idea that she was with you..."
Iolaus smiled. "Hercules, if it wasn't for your mother, I'm not sure I would be here. After Ania and the baby died, I didn't want to go on. Your mother was by my house every day. She cooked and cleaned; even when I wouldn't eat she would bring me food. I spent most of my days sitting by their graves under the tree on the hill. She was the one who kept me tied to this world. When I decided to travel eastward, she was the one who made me promise to return. If she hadn't done that, I'm not sure I would have ever come back." Iolaus wiped the tears from his face. He pulled away from his friend's embrace and turned to face him. "She told me that there would be a time to tell you about ..." Iolaus stopped, fearing emotion would come and overwhelm him. When a few moments passed and he still had his senses, he continued. "Alcemene said that I needed to tell you about what happened the day Ania and my son died. She said it would help me. And that it would help you understand me when things became too much."
"I'm sorry, Iolaus. I should have known that you needed to open up about these things. You made me face my sorrow and helped me see past it by insisting that I tell you about how I felt. I should have done the same for you. I failed you because I couldn't see that your pain was there just as mine was." Hercules was ashamed to admit to himself that it was easier to believe that Iolaus never felt the same loneliness that he felt. He would rather have believed that Iolaus was spared that pain. Now he knew differently.
"There's nothing to be sorry for, my friend. I could have told you but I thought the less I spoke about it, the less it would hurt. I was wrong and as usual, your mother was right." A wry smile touched Iolaus' lips.
Hercules smiled as he put his arm around his friend. "I think it's time we talked. I want you to tell me everything. Don't try to spare me any discomfort - understood? Or else!"
Iolaus chuckled. "Or else what?"
"Or else I'll throw you in the river!" Hercules laughed.
Iolaus looked at his best friend in mock fear. "Oh my? I'm soooo scared."
Hercules grinned as he hugged his best friend to his chest. "Enough joking around, Iolaus. Let's get some food into you. We've got alot to talk about.".
"Herc?"
"Yeah, Iolaus?"
"Thanks for sticking around."
Hercules looked at his friend. "What do you mean?"
"Well, weren't you across the river?"
Hercules laughed. "You knew? How could you see me?"
Iolaus smiled, and at last, the smile reached his eyes. "Old hunter's trick."
******** EPILOGUE ********
Iolaus and Hercules spent the next day sitting by the riverbank deep in conversation. They dozed frequently throughout the day; weary not from any physical exertion but rather from the emotional toll of the telling of each story. The moments before twilight found the two friends gazing across the moonlit water.
"Herc," Iolaus spoke softly. "I'm sorry we didn't talk sooner." Iolaus felt closer than ever to his best friend. Hercules had listened to him recount the painful days surrounding his family's death. He had cried along with Iolaus as Iolaus had shared his feelings of emptiness. At times, he took Iolaus in his arms as he would a child and held him while Iolaus wept. Iolaus knew that Hercules had taken him into his heart when they first became friends. There were times of pain and turmoil when Hercules had tried to push him away but Iolaus had held fast. Iolaus now realized that this time it was Hercules that was holding on. Hercules smiled as if he had read the hunter's thoughts.
"You know my friend, for one so ready to delve into my soul you certainly do a good job guarding yours." "Maybe it's my hard head that gets in the way," the hunter grinned, his cerulean eyes twinkling. "You may have something there, but," Hercules continued in a somber voice, " Iolaus, let me be the kind of friend to you that you are to me. Please don't shut me out." Hercules looked into Iolaus' eyes, deep sapphire meeting bright aquamarine. "I love you as a brother, you must know that by now." Iolaus nodded as a lump began to form in his throat. Hercules' eyes were filled with emotion as he spoke, his voice a mere whisper. "Help me be the one that you'll think of when you need help. Trust me enough to let me in."
Iolaus swallowed hard and cleared his throat. A bittersweet smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. " I promise Herc, I'll try. But old habits aren't easy to break."
Hercules laughed and shook his head. "I know, and you're about as stubborn as they come!" Iolaus began to laugh along with his best friend.
"Hey, Herc?"
"Yeah, Iolaus?"
"I'm really hungry."
"Again?"
"Well ,yeah, I mean, I have to make up for the last few days, don't I?" Iolaus patted his firm abdomen. "You wouldn't want me wasting away to nothing, right buddy?"
Hercules rubbed the back of his neck absentmindedly. "Well, if you're hungry you'll have to go catch something. We finished the last of the fish hours ago."
Iolaus stood up and brushed the dirt off the seat of his pants. "Okay - but you cook." He flashed a smile that radiated from within.
"Why don't you do the cooking too?" a wry grin planted firmly upon Hercules' lips.
"'Cause I'm doing the catching."
"Oh."
"Oh, what?"
"Nothing, just oh."
"Oh," Iolaus shrugged and started off into the woods.
"Where are you going? The water's that way," Hercules indicated the direction with his thumb toward the river. "I'm sick of fish. I'm going to catch us a rabbit."
Hercules smiled. Things were back in order. His friend would be just fine.
THE END
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