He knew he was dreaming. This was the dream he hoped never to wake from. Once again enfolded in his sweet Alcmene's arms. Loving, talking, comforting and being comforted. "Stay with me, 'Mene. Talk to me. Don't leave me alone. Better yet, take me with you this time, Darling. I'm ready to go. I've missed you so much."
Then he heard her sweet voice. "Oh Jason...Jason....my sweet." Her gentle fingertips running softly across his cheek and down the line of his jaw. He let his eyes feast on the beloved face.
A brief, disquieting feeling interrupted the perfection of the dream; then Alcmene's face began to fade only to be replaced by Aphrodite's. The goddess' voice gently calling to him "Jason...Jason..."
The former king, still floating in the mellow haze between sleeping and waking, chuckled. "Aphrodite you'd better go put something on. Alcmene will be back any second now and you don't want her to catch you here like that."
"Sorry, Your Royal Sweetness. Alcmene's not really here. You've been dreaming again," whispered the blonde goddess.
"Well, I must still be dreaming because you're here. This is exactly like my favorite dream when I was a cadet at the Academy. You were always there," laughed Jason.
"I know, Sweetness. I really used to enjoy your dreams. But now you have to wake up. Come on Jason. I need you. Wake up Jason...Jason, come on," prodded Aphrodite.
Jason groaned as he came to full awareness. His beautiful dream of Alcmene was gone. Aphrodite should be gone too but there she was, standing next to his bed still gently stroking his cheek. "Have you come to keep me company because of my loneliness or have you and Hephestus had a tiff and you want me to negotiate a peace treaty?" he asked in a grouchy tone as he pulled the covers around his waist and sat on the edge of the bed.
"Oh Jason...Hephy's gone and it's not my fault...this time. And now I can't get him back," wailed Aphrodite as she threw herself into the arms of the stunned former king.
"Hush, hush now Aphrodite. Calm down and tell me the whole story. I'll try to help you if I can. Is that why you came here? To get my help?" He grabbed a towel off of the nightstand and handed it to the goddess. "Here, blow your nose, tell me what happened and I'll do my best for you."
Aphrodite obediently blew her nose and handed the towel back to Jason. "Well, it all started when this nasty, old god of war from Persia picked a fight with Ares. Now Ares is planning what he calls the 'war to end all wars' between Greece and Persia.
"Hmmmm...that's definitely not good," commented the former king.
Aphrodite continued her story. "Ares came to Hephy several times asking him to make some new super weapons."
"What kind of super weapons, Aphrodite?" asked Jason.
"Oh...I don't know. Is it important? replied the goddess.
She could see the exasperated look come across the former king's face. Not wanting to get her last hope for help angry with her, she figured she had better concentrate. "Ohhhh, it's times like this that I regret the fact...I'm a lover...not a fighter!" whined the blonde goddess. "Okay, okay...Ares said something about harnessing the power of Zeus' lightening bolts into weapons so they could make direct and accurate hits. He wanted Hephy to make big ones so his generals could level whole villages and towns and he wanted smaller, hand-held ones so his warriors could do individual damage. There now, is that what you wanted to hear."
"Yes...no...that's awful. What did Hephestus say to Ares? Is he going to help that hotheaded, sorry excuse for a god?"
"Hephy kept refusing and he threw Ares out of the forge. You should have seen him. My Hephster was so virile, so masterful, so sexy..." The blonde goddess' mind drifted off somewhere for a brief moment until the former king snapped her out of her reverie with an annoyed "And.."
"Oh, and early last night Ares came back and kidnapped my Hephy. He took him while he was distracted," explained the goddess.
"Distracted?" Jason queried.
"Yeah, you know...distracted!" replied Aphrodite with an exasperated look of her own.
"Oh. Ohhhh!!! So, why didn't you tell Zeus and the other gods about this?" asked Jason.
"I did Sweetness, but there's that stupid rule about one god not interfering in what another god has done. Ares can do whatever he wants with Hephy and there's no one to stop him," whined the goddess. "Ares also said that if I ever wanted to see my Hephy again I couldn't interfere and I especially couldn't tell either Herc or Sweetcheeks. But..."
"...But Ares didn't say you couldn't tell me," said Jason as he followed her train of thought. "Good girl, Aphrodite. You've done the right thing. I'll go tell Hercules and Iolaus right away." Jason hopped off the bed pulling the covers around him as he looked for his clothes.
"Now you've got it, Your Royal Sweetness! But you can't go yourself. You'll have to send a messenger to tell my brother and Curley. I need you for a more important reason. There's something else I didn't tell you," groaned the goddess of love.
"Okay Aphrodite, let's have it," growled the former king who was sleep-deprived and gradually losing his patience.
"Promise me you won't yell at me, okay. You see, when Ares took Hephy right out of my arms I was pretty upset and angry. I let my temper get the best of me and I started zapping stuff."
"You were zapping stuff...in Hephestus' forge? Aphrodite...how could you do something that dangerous?" snapped Jason.
"Don't yell, Sweetie it makes me nervous," whined the goddess.
"Okay, then what happened?" asked Jason through gritted teeth.
"I started a chain reaction or something. First one of those giant metal men came to life, then another, and another and before I knew it there were over a hundred of them and they were loading up on Hephy's weapons to complete their mission. You're here and you're so close by. You've got to come stop them."
"What would their mission be, Aphrodite?"
"Duh!!! That would be the last mission they didn't complete before they were deactivated," the goddess smugly replied.
"Which was..." urged a seething Jason.
"Which was...to go to Cyllabos and tear it apart if they had to...but not to come back without the grandma babe," said the goddess in the best imitation of a masculine voice she could muster.
Pacing back and forth in the bedroom, Jason pondered "Cyllabos? Grandma babe?" Then he looked up at the goddess. The former king was horrified as realization struck. "Oh no, Leandra..."
This is a tale of a time long ago.
A time of myth and legend
When the ancient gods were petty and cruel
And they plagued mankind with suffering etc., etc., etc.
Credits:
Kevin Sorbo as Hercules
Michael Hurst as Iolaus
Jeffrey Thomas as Jason
Alexandra Tydings as Aphrodite
Kevin Smith as Ares
Julian Garner as Hephestus
Sarah Smutts-Kennedy as Leandra
With special guest appearances by:
Sam Raimi and Rob Tapert as Rufus and Dufus
Written by:
MaryE.
Directed by:
Dame Edith Sidebottom - "Who else do you think they would get to
direct a story of this sort, you silly people...that Josh Becker
lad...hummmmm???...or maybe that tall fella, name of Campbell??? Of
course not, my darlings! For I am the Mistress of Motivation ... the
Directoress Divine! Yes ... well ... enough of that, now ... get on
with it. No, No, No No, No... I didn't mean for you to get on with
THAT ... I meant get on with the story ..."
Driving the brand new chariot of war as fast as the horses would carry him, Lycus almost missed the turn-off to the lakeside camp grounds Headmaster Jason had told him about. He tied the horses to a sturdy tree trunk and headed down the forest trail towards the camp. The cadet was excited about the news he carried and he was equally excited about meeting his heroes Hercules and Iolaus for the very first time.
He heard them before he saw them.
"I can sit here all day Iolaus." came the sing-songy voice from just up ahead. "I'm here on the ground with the warm campfire, the delicious fish, the sizzling tubers, and the honey cakes in this beautiful picnic basket of leftovers from the festival. And you're up in that tree, all naked and cold and hungry where you can watch me picnic all by myself...eating all of this wonderful food. Yes, sir and I've got a real demigod-sized appetite today, Buddy."
"Look, Herc...I said I was sorry. What more do you want?" came the groaning voice from above.
"You weren't sincere...I've known you forever and I know when you're being sincere. Now...if you want to be down here on the ground warming your sorry butt my friend, you'll come up with something a little more heartfelt than a quick 'sorry pal, next time watch where you're sitting'," reprimanded the smiling demigod.
A smothered noise came tumbling out of the leaves overhead.
"I heard that, Iolaus. You're giggling? You think this is funny?" queried the demigod.
"No, Herc...that wasn't giggling. I was stifling a sneeze. You're gonna make me catch a cold up here." Then a very indignant hunter added, "and I'm starving! I'm going to faint from hunger and fall out of this tree. Then you'll be sorry, pal."
"You're right, Iolaus. I'd never forgive myself. Here...have this while you're composing your formal apology," and with that the demigod threw a plum up to the hunter.
"Ugh, Herc...there's ants all over this plum!" complained the treed blond.
"Don't worry, buddy...I'm sure they didn't eat much...just brush them off and then you'll have the fruit all to yourself."
"Hercules..." growled the hunter.
"Iolaus... you knew that porcupine was nesting behind the log before I sat on it to dry off. You had a chance to warn me and you didn't. That hurts almost as much as my injury."
"I'm really, really sorry Herc. I thought that old porcupine would have moved on by the time you got out of the water. We'd been swimming for more than four sun widths."
Lycus approached carefully, making plenty of noise so as not to startle the heroes. Iolaus, from his perch in the tree, was aware of the young cadet's presence early on. However, the demigod was literally caught with his pants down as he rubbed some healing balm into his injured backside. The deep fuchsia spots peppered across the span of his muscular derriere were the reminders of where the quills had struck him.
Hercules blushed nicely when he caught sight of the cadet; his facial complexion almost matching the same shade as the injured spots on his rear end. This time the giggle from Iolaus was unmistakable. In a strong voice to cover up his own embarrassment the demigod called, "come down and meet our guest, Iolaus."
A whisper from above responded, "Pants, Herc?"
"Your pants are right down here where you left them. Now hurry," replied the grinning demigod.
Iolaus knew he was caught so he flipped out of the tree as quickly as he could, did a tuck and roll, grabbed his pants and came to land on his feet with the pants held strategically in place. With a nod to the cadet he murmured "be right with you," and the hunter ducked behind the demigod to make himself presentable for company.
"What's your name, cadet?"
"Lycus, sir."
"I'm Hercules, Lycus. And this is my partner, Iolaus," said the demigod as he held out his hand in a warrior's shake. "Sit with us, share a meal and tell us why you've been sent. Jason did send you...didn't he?"
"Is Jason all right, Lycus?" inquired the hunter.
"Oh, yes. Headmaster Jason is in good health...but he's mighty worried and he's left the Academy with some of our best cadets on a daring campaign," responded the hero-worshiping cadet.
"Tell us, Lycus," urged the demigod. And Lycus gave them Jason's message about Hephestus being kidnapped, including the whole story behind it, and about the danger to Leandra and Cyllabos. They learned about Jason's mission with 20 of his best cadets to try and stop the metal men and the destruction of the small village. After some bantering and bargaining it was decided that Iolaus would go help Jason in Cyllabos because he had previous experience defeating Hephestus' creations. Hercules would go to Ares temple and get Hephy back for Aphrodite, hopefully before the god of war obtained the weapons of mass destruction that he craved from the god of the forge.
The heroes dismantled the campsite and returned to the clearing where Lycus left the chariot. Iolaus took one look at the beautiful horses and the sleek new war chariot and his eyes lit up like Solstice candles.
"Hercules...would you look at this? Isn't she a beauty!?!" the hunter exclaimed.
The demigod walked over and ran his admiring hands over the black leather body with shining metal trim. "She sure is, Iolaus. Hey, what do you think, buddy? Once more for old times' sake?"
"Hop in...I'll drive you to the crossroads. It WILL be just like old times, Herc. Oooohhhh, I can't wait to get behind the reigns again. Do you mind Lycus? Come on...let's get a move on guys," the happy babbling brought a broader smile to the demigod's face and puzzlement to Lycus who was having a time of it trying to keep up with the hunter's babbling.
Once they all took their places in the chariot, the demigod let out a startling Whoop! "Okay, Iolaus. Let's fly!" urged the enthusiastic demigod.
Lycus took the demigod literally and his knuckles whitened as he grasped for a handhold in the chariot's cab. His imagination, fueled by the tales he heard told around the Academy, had the young cadet fully expecting Iolaus to race the chariot fast enough to lift it up off the ground and take to the skies like Apollo.
Indeed, they took off like the wind and arrived in no time flat at the crossroads where Hercules would depart their company.
With a final wave and a promise to meet Iolaus in Cyllabos after he took care of the rescue, Hercules trotted down the road to Ares temple at Partheos. He'd been to the temple several times in the past and he knew this particular temple housed an armory of large proportions with stores that included several war machines. It had all the necessary equipment to facilitate Hephestus' work.
The journey to Partheos would be relatively quick, taking less than half a day. And the road, at this point in the trip, was clear of obstacles. Nevertheless, the demigod knew that Ares wouldn't leave the road totally unprotected. Hercules anticipated some challenges to his approach.
The first challenge came from a mid-sized monster that resembled a mutant tarantula. Hercules overcame the beast with relative ease by jumping on it's hairy back, catching it in a strong chokehold and cutting off it's air supply.
After about another two miles, Hercules began to recognize some disturbing signs ... evidence that something very big was in the area. Large in size and in appetite apparently, as there was a liberal scattering of stripped animal carcasses along the roadside.
The demigod was relieved to note that there were no human remains interspersed with those of the animals.
A little further on, he came across a footprint of huge proportions belonging to either a giant or a cyclops. Well, he'd dealt successfully with their sort many times before .. he could do it again if he had to.
He saw the giant ogre standing behind a tree, munching on a cow. The ogre did not hear Hercules approaching until the demigod was almost upon him.
"Who are you, little man?" growled the giant.
"I'm Hercules and I need to pass down this road to visit Ares temple," replied the demigod.
"I'm Rufus The Ogre and Ares said nobody passes," the ogre roared.
"Ares is my brother and I'm going to pay him a visit," Hercules responded.
"I have a brother too. He guards the road a little closer to Ares temple," came the ogre's unexpected reply. "His name is Dufus and he's much meaner than me ... especially if he has to go to sleep on an empty stomach. He comes home and beats me up and yells louder than the thunder. I know all about brothers, you would be smart to stay away."
"Well, why don't you share some of the animals you catch with your brother maybe he won't be so mean then?" reasoned the demigod.
"Because he only eats the two legged kind of animals, and not many animals like you pass down this road anymore," remarked the ogre as he swallowed down another side of beef.
"Let me get this right, Rufus. If your brother is mad with you every night, except when he's had a good meal ... then it would be in your interest to let me pass. I'm a rather large two legged animal and I'd make almost two whole meals for your brother . Then Dufus will be so full that he'll sleep and leave you alone."
"That sounds like a good idea, big fella. Tell Dufus I sent you. Bye," called the ogre to Hercules as he stepped aside and let the demigod pass down the road.
The demigod walked about another two miles and came across evidence of the ogre's brother. Human skeletons hung from tree branches and lay entangled in the bushes by the side of the road.
This ogre was fast and cunning and he had razor-sharp fingernails almost a meter long on each hand. He almost caught Hercules with several swings of his huge arms. The demigod ran past some of the skeletons in the bushes and picked up a couple of swords dropped by the unfortunate men. Hercules only managed to nick the ogre on a pass between it's legs but the cut enraged the monster so much that it's next swing caught the demigod straight on. It knocked him into the low branches of a tree right next to a skeleton and a quiver full of arrows.
The demigod righted himself just in time to miss another swing by the ogre. He grabbed the arrows and sent them flying in rapid fire succession at the giant target. The arrows weren't enough to stop the monster but they were enough to slow him down, giving Hercules the chance to have a good look around the area. He spotted another two quivers of arrows not to far away. They must have been dropped by some unfortunate hunters.
Hercules flung himself off of the tree branch. He hit the ground next to the quivers and the demigod again let the arrows fly at the giant ogre, hitting the target every time. These arrows managed to bring the terrible ogre to his knees. Dufus continued to take swings at the demigod with those razor-sharp nails, not letting him pass. He tried to impale Hercules, but failing that he began catching up dirt in his nails and flinging them at demigod in an attempt to blind and disorient him.
Hercules had to end this as quickly as possible so he picked up fallen tree branches and chucked them at the ogre's head. The ogre raised his hands to bat the branches away from his face and in the heat of the battle he hit himself in the neck with his own razor sharp nails and decapitated himself.
"Oh, that had to hurt," said the demigod with a wince as he moved past the dead ogre.
After the third monster Hercules figured the last leg of the journey would be free and clear. He sat on a log by the side of the road away from the carcass of the dead ogre. He needed to catch his breath and drink some water from the skin at his side. He rinsed his eyes, trying to rid them of the dirt thrown at him by the ogre. As he dried his eyes on a piece of cloth torn from his undershirt, the demigod stilled. His sensitive hearing picked up sounds of increasing winds. 'The day has been clear. What could possibly be making the wind pick up like that?' thought the demigod.
He finished drying his eyes and looked up the road in the direction of Ares temple and he saw what was causing the noise. A massive sandstorm. Impossible! It had to be a creation of the gods...this was a forest not a desert. There wasn't any sand for hundreds of miles around.
Hercules approached the virtual tower of sand and moved to the right to circle around it. The tower moved to block him. He tried moving to the left with the same effect. Every way he went the blowing sand was there to block him. The demigod retreated and sat on a fallen log by the side of the road, trying to figure a way around this obstruction and feeling the pressure of lost time. He tried just about everything he could for the better part of two hours without success then...without warning...the demigod disappeared into thin air!
Commercial Break Folks
Meanwhile, at Ares temple in Partheos...
"Listen, Bro. You either make the weapons I asked you for or you can be the one to explain to Zeus and Hera why Greece fell to a bunch of heathen Persians," ranted the god of war as he paced back and forth in front of the cage that housed Hephestus.
"Even if I wanted to help you, Ares...and I don't...it would take months to develop such weapons to the point where they would be stable and safe enough for our soldiers to use," reasoned the captive god of the forge.
"In every war you've got to expect a bit of collateral damage. Now I'm going to ask you one more time to make the weapons, or else," threatened Ares.
"Or else what, Ares? You can't kill me. The rule Zeus made to protect Hercules applies to all of us. Are you going to hurt me? I'll heal immediately. Or else what?" fumed Hephestus.
It was at that particular moment that Aphrodite chose to make her grand appearance.
"I've come to get you out of here, lover," pledged the very annoyed blonde goddess. "Ares, set my Hephy free...or else."
"Or else what, Sis...you'll zap me with a fashion curse?" laughed the very amused god of war as he grabbed Aphrodite from behind and threw her in to the holding cell with Hephestus.
"Now, Hephy," said the grinning war god as he teased the disfigured fire god. "This is YOUR or else. Make the weapons or else I set you free and keep Aphrodite imprisoned here forever. I'll give you two love birds a chance to think about it while I pop out and inspect the front lines. Be ready with your decision by the time I get back."
Ares snapped his fingers and disappeared in a shimmer of black and silver.
"Look Hephy!" said Aphrodite as she began fishing for something in her cleavage.
"This is neither the time nor the place for that 'Dite we've got to figure a way out of this," replied an appalled god of the forge.
"Oh, Hephy...it's not what you think. Look what I brought," responded the blonde goddess as she pulled a scroll out of her bodice and waved it at her mate.
"Oh no, 'Dite...as if we didn't already have enough trouble you've got to show up here with that evil thing. I though you destroyed it after the big mess it made with Gabrielle and Xena," moaned the now distraught god of the forge.
"You'll be glad I didn't destroy it, after I use it to save the day," preened the bubbling goddess.
"You'll do no such thing. Now hide it immediately and don't touch it. Can you imagine what kind of damage Ares could do if he found it and used it?"
Aphrodite pouted but she listened to Hephestus and stuck the scroll back in her bodice.
"I'll keep it under wraps for now, lover but ... if Hercules fails in his rescue attempt I will use it."
"Okay, 'Dite. But only if Hercules fails," agreed the god of the forge.
When Ares returned to his temple, Hephestus agreed to cooperate. The war god led him over to the work area and chained him to the workbench.
"You and Aphrodite will be released when I have enough weapons to wage my war. Now get to work," demanded Ares.
Hephestus made himself look very busy but he only took care of the incidental parts of the weapons, biding his time awaiting the arrival of Hercules.
While in Cyllabos...
Jason and the cadets arrived in Cyllabos shortly before the metal men showed up. They had time to warn the villagers and help them flee to refuge in the caves that were scattered throughout surrounding mountains. Jason took care of warning Leandra, whose house was on the outskirts of town. He introduced himself as a friend of Iolaus' and assured her that her grandson had been notified of the danger and was on his way to help.
The former king and his cadets set up their lines of defense close by Leandra's house. It was the outermost point of the village, nearest to Hephestus' forge. It would be the most likely place for a first attack.
By the time Iolaus arrived in Cyllabos, Jason and the cadets had stopped about 20 of Hephestus' armored men but there are at least 100 of them left to stop.
They could hear Iolaus and the chariot team coming well before they could see the dust cloud wending it's way along the road towards them. Several of the cadets let out joyous whoops when they realized that help was on the way.
Iolaus was charged up and ready to kick some metallic butt. He spotted a group of cadets in trouble so, without taking the time to dismount, he ran the brand new chariot into the backs of 4 of the tin men pushing them head first into the stream.
The hunter then chased another two of the armored men who were about to deal some permanent damage to the former king and some of his cadets.
"Where's Leandra?" the blond hunter shouted over the din of battle to his old friend.
"She's safe with the other villagers up in the caves," Jason shouted back. "Behind you!" he quickly added.
Iolaus swung around, his left leg raised in attack and he caught one of the metal men in the midsection sending him sprawling back into a column of other metal men. They all came crashing to the ground like a set of dominoes.
"Over there," shouted Jason again while pointing to a group of cadets who had gotten cut off from the group. They were surrounded and fighting a desperate battle.
Iolaus brought the chariot around and charged the line of armored men. He scattered them and knocked many into the stream. Two of the metal men managed to avoid this fate by hanging onto the back of the chariot cab. They pulled themselves up into the cab and began beating on the hunter.
Iolaus couldn't avoid their swinging arms in the close confines of the chariot. They were getting the best of him ... unless ... he saw the tree and he took the only option left open to him. He reached over the front of the cab and pulled the pin that held the horses harnessed to the chariot and he chased them off. Momentum kept the cab of the chariot going ... heading straight for a huge oak tree on the banks of the stream. Two seconds before impact, the hunter jumped off of the racing cab, which hit the tree and sent the two armored men flying out into the middle of the stream.
A mighty cheer erupted from the cadets as they saw Iolaus pick himself up from the ground and dust himself off.
"That's my brand new Harleus War Chariot wrapped around that tree, and I'm so glad you weren't in it when it happened my friend," said the former king as he came over to shake hands with the hunter.
"I'll fix it as soon as this mess is over, Jase. I swear…" Iolaus offered.
"It's all right, Iolaus. Where are those metal goons going?" Jason asked.
It appeared that the metal men were heading away from the village but Iolaus and Jason realized that it was only a temporary lull. They would regroup and be back on the attack shortly.
Jason filled Iolaus in on what had been happening since early morning. He told of the evacuation and assured the hunter that his grandmother was safely out of harms way along with the other villagers. They estimated how many of the metal men they'd destroyed and tried to assess how many were left. Too many apparently, because the scouts returned and reported that they counted more than 80 still coming towards them from Hephestus' forge.
Iolaus turned to Jason, about to offer a suggested plan of action. Before he could get the words out of his mouth, the hunter disappeared into thin air...
And back in the caves on the outskirts of Cyllabos...
"How many times are we going to allow our village to be threatened because of this one woman," came the stentorian voice of the village elder.
"Leandra has meant nothing but trouble for us ever since the gods took an interest in her," echoed another village chief.
"Leandra's grandson, Iolaus is on his way. He destroyed Hephestus' armored men the last time. This time he's got old King Jason and his cadets to help him. But what about the next time and the next time after that? Once the gods get obsessed about a mortal there's no end to it," added a third elder.
"I say we give Hephestus what he wants, once and for all. He may even be grateful and look with favor on us again," recommended the first village elder.
Assenting voices rose all about him and they began to set a plan. Some of them would bind and gag Leandra. Then they would carry her down to the edge of the village where they would tie her to a stake. A sacrifice to the armored men. They hoped that the god would take her and spare their village any further damage.
Okay, here's your second commercial break. You know the routine.
"You're ... BLAST ... Not ... BLAST ... Working ... BLAST ... Fast ... BLAM ... BLAST ... Enough!" shouted the angry god of war as he threw some super-charged energy balls at the god of the forge. That last one caught Hephestus on his lame leg and caused a loud groan of pain to escape from between the god's grimacing lips.
Hephestus couldn't move out of the way of Ares blasts since his good leg was chained to the workbench.
Aphrodite was livid "Ares ... you'll regret this. When I get through with you, not even girl frogs will take a second look at you."
"Shut up, Sis. You just better hope your lover boy begins to work a lot faster or I'll start blasting you too," threatened the god of war.
"Ares, leave 'Dite out of this. I'll work faster ... just leave her alone," Hephestus acquiesced.
"Okay. You've got one more chance. I'm going to have a meeting with my generals. When I get back I want to see something I can take out for a test spin. You got that, scar-boy?" taunted Ares.
"I've got that," mumbled the god of the forge right before Ares disappeared.
Aphrodite couldn't stand seeing Hephestus this way. She turned her back to her lover and pulled the enchanted scroll out of her bodice. She wrote, "Hercules and Iolaus appear in this temple and rescue Hephestus."
In a flash of light, Hercules and Iolaus appeared in the middle of the temple's workroom in their standard back-to-back position. Both a bit disoriented and both totally confused.
"What??? Where am I?" asked the hunter.
"Iolaus?" gasped the stunned demigod.
"Hercules?" countered his partner.
"Ohhhhh, I love it when a plan comes together," crowed the blonde goddess as she clapped her hands together in joy.
"How did we get here?" demanded the demigod when he saw his sister sitting inside Ares cage.
"Herc, I don't care where I am, or how I got here … I've got to get back to Cyllabos immediately. We've got an emergency there, Jason and those cadets can't handle it all by themselves," cried the distraught hunter.
"Hell-oooo," sang Aphrodite. "We have an emergency going on here too, in case you haven't noticed. Now do the hero thing. Save Hephestus and I'll use this scroll to send you back."
"What scroll, Aphrodite?" asked the very angry demigod. "Don't tell me … you didn't destroy that damned scroll you used to torture Gabrielle with?"
"No, Hercules. She didn't destroy it and now it could be an added danger to us if Ares finds it on her," added Hephestus.
"Guys, I've got to get back to Cyllabos. Let's go!" urged the hunter.
Hercules grabbed the chains that bound Hephestus to the worktable, attempting to break them. It wasn't possible. Hercules tried breaking the table and that wouldn't work either.
"Try to free Aphrodite, please Hercules," pleaded the god of the forge.
Here Hercules had success. The bars bent easily in his strong hands. It was obviously not a construction of the gods.
"Get out of here 'Dite. Save yourself," urged Hephestus.
"I'm not going without you lover, so save your breath," responded the resolute goddess.
"PLEASE, somebody listen to me! I have to get back to Cyllabos. It's urgent. Herc … Herc … explain to them," begged a now frantic hunter.
"Iolaus, I can't do anything about the armored men while I'm under an enchantment from another god. Aphrodite can send you back to Cyllabos and you can defeat them," advised the god of the forge.
"How? We're sorely outnumbered and the cadets are getting tired. It's a losing proposition," said the worried hunter.
"Exactly how you bested my panther the day you brought 'Dite into my life, Iolaus. The only thing that can truly destroy my creations is to melt them back to their basic elements in the heat of my forge. You've done it before. I believe you can do it again," advised the scarred god.
"Iolaus, as soon as I find a way to free Hephestus, I'll be right there to help you," added the demigod.
Aphrodite wrote on the scroll and Iolaus disappeared again in a flurry of golden sparkles.
Hercules turned again to the task of trying to free Hephestus. But they all realized that it was a losing proposition. Ares put him into the chains and Ares was the only one who could release him.
Back in Cyllabos…..
Iolaus reappeared next to an area of heavy fighting. He took two seconds to orient himself and saw that Jason was fighting a desperate battle with a half-dozen armored men. He was defending Leandra who was tied to a stake in the middle of a clearing near her house. Jason had been separated from his cadets by a solid line of metal men. They couldn't get past the animated barrier to help their headmaster and had to watch helplessly as the former king fought valiantly for Leandra's sake.
Iolaus jumped into the fracas with a wild fury. He picked up a sword that had been dropped by one of the armored men and he sliced the ropes holding his grandmother to the stake.
Finding herself freed of the restraints, Leandra picked up a disembodied metal arm and began swinging it at anything that came towards her. Iolaus continued to fight off the metal men who were attacking Jason and he managed to defeat them all. When another group of metal men broke ranks, heading towards Leandra; it allowed some of the cadets to cross the line and come to the assistance of their headmaster.
"Leandra…do you trust me?" shouted Iolaus as he took her hand in his.
"Of course I do, Iolaus. With my whole heart," responded the frightened woman.
"Then follow me. We're going to destroy those metal monsters once and for all," vowed the hunter.
"How could I possibly help with that?" puzzled Leandra.
"You're the bait," was Iolaus' quick response.
Iolaus took off with Leandra; running down the road towards Hephestus' forge and shouting over his shoulder to the cadets. "Take Jason into that house and see to his injuries. We'll be back soon."
Iolaus took a moment to look back, confirming that Jason was safe and that the armored men were following him and his grandmother to the forge.
Using cunning and some old hunter's tricks, Iolaus and Leandra lured most of the armored men to fiery destruction in the lava pits beneath Hephestus' domain. They congratulated themselves a bit too early, however because the few remaining metal men managed to trap them next to the edge of the lava pit with no where for them to go but down!
At the very same time in Ares temple …..
Ares returned to his temple and was angry beyond words that Hercules had shown up and that he had already freed Aphrodite and was attempting to free Hephestus.
A wall-crashing, spine-crunching, bloody-knuckle, fire-ball zapping rumble ensued. During the course of the battle, Hercules took an opportunity to free Hephestus. When Ares pitched a fire ball at his head, Hercules held up the chains to block the energy bolt and the chains melted away. Hephestus rushed to Aphrodite's side, shielding her from some falling debris.
The fight went on for what felt like hours. It looked as if the demigod was going to lose this time. Aphrodite was desperate, begging Ares to stop but the war god insisted he would only stop when the demigod was dead. Then … at the last minute ... beyond all reason ... Hercules won when Hephestus grabbed the scroll away from Aphrodite and wrote the words "Hercules punches Ares so hard it knocks the god of war straight into tomorrow."
The god and goddess rushed over to help their defender up onto his feet.
"There, that ought to keep him wondering for a while. Quick … let's get to Cyllabos and see if Iolaus needs our help," said the god of the forge and they all disappeared this time.
At the lava pit …..
Hercules and Hephestus appeared just in time to see Iolaus and Leandra being pushed off the ledge.
"No!" choked out the distraught demigod.
"Cease!" shouted Hephestus. "Save them!" he ordered. The metallic hands that had been pushing them off the cliff were suddenly grabbing at them, pulling both Iolaus and his grandmother back to safety.
Back in Cyllabos (this time to stay for a while…) Hephestus transported them all back to Leandra's house where they were to meet Aphrodite who had gone ahead to check on Jason's condition. The minute they arrived, Hercules took the scroll away from his sister and tucked it into his carry sack for safe keeping. He was going to take it back to the lava pit the next morning and destroy it once and for all with his own hands.
Aphrodite conjured up a piping hot meal for everyone and for the cadets Hephestus conjured up luxurious tents in the field adjacent to Leandra's home.
Over the meal, Aphrodite and Hephestus explained everything to Jason, Leandra and the two heroes … thanking them profusely for their help in thwarting Ares.
When the house settled down for the evening, Leandra urged Hercules and her grandson to get some much needed rest. She protested that she was too wound up to sleep and would keep watch over Jason during the night. The heroes could see that she was still keyed up from her experiences that day so they left her to unwind in her own fashion.
Leandra, a woman who has been shamed and scorned by her townsfolk was contemplating thoughts of revenge. She had contributed so much to this little village of hers over the course of the years, the only place she's ever known since birth. And this is how they've repaid her. Not only offering her up as a sacrifice to the gods, but almost causing the death of her dear, brave grandson. It was too much for her to bear.
Leandra checked to make sure Iolaus and Hercules were sleeping. She went to Hercules' carry sack, removed the scroll and unrolled it. She wrote "Hephestus' remaining armored men return to Cyllabos and destroy the whole village, except for Leandra's home, in revenge for what the townsfolk of Cyllabos did to her." She laid the quill on the table, rested her head in her arms and gave herself over to tears of hurt and pain.
Iolaus heard something that disturbed his slumber. He sat up and rubbed his eyes as he focused on the sound. A woman crying. It must be his grandmother. He roused his partner and they both went to investigate.
They walked over to the table in the main room. Hercules picked up the scroll and began reading.
"Leandra, you really don't want to do this," Hercules gently murmured as he handed Iolaus the scroll and rested his hand on the woman's shaking shoulder.
"Leandra, if you pay them back evil for evil you'll be just as bad as they are. And I know you're so much better than that," Iolaus added as he took her in his arms to offer her comfort.
After a moment, she dried her eyes and turned to her grandson saying, "You're right, Iolaus. What can I do? They're already here. Can't you hear them coming?"
"There's only one thing that you can do. You will have to write something that will get rid of them forever," advised the demigod as he handed the scroll and quill back to Leandra.
She held the scroll in her hand and thought briefly about what she would write. She looked up at Iolaus and then Hercules. In a small voice she asked, "forever?"
"Forever," confirmed the hunter.
Then she put quill to parchment and wrote, "My grandson and his friend, Hercules send the rest of the metal men straight to Tartarus."
In the blink of an eye, Hercules and Iolaus found themselves out on the road pounding the metal men straight into the ground until they all disappeared beneath the dirt at their feet.
And here's that really annoying final commercial break that comes five minutes before the end of the show. And you really want to strangle a couple of guys from the network who do things like this on purpose to annoy viewers.
Hercules and Jason emerged from the doorway early the next morning to find Iolaus standing in front of Leandra's home brushing the horses who were attached to Jason's handsome Harleus War Chariot.
"Iolaus, you didn't …" started Jason.
"No, I didn't. Hephestus was here. He felt bad about it and restored it for you," responded the hunter. "So, what's up guys?"
"Iolaus, Hercules and I are worried about leaving Leandra here with these people again. There's no telling what could pop up in their closed little minds. We don't think she's safe. We have an idea. Come, take a walk with us while we explain," said the king as he put his arm around his friend's shoulder and led him away from the house.
Later at lunch Iolaus confronted his grandmother with the facts.
"Frankly Leandra, we don't think it's safe for you to stay here any longer. Hercules and Jason … well all of us would feel a whole lot better if you would move into Herc's mother's old home. The house is in good repair but the garden could use some attention. And we could visit more often if you were closer to Corinth," Iolaus offered and the other men nodded their agreement.
"But I've never lived anywhere else but here. This is my home," Leandra protested.
"Well then, don't you think it's time to take after your grandson and go looking for a new adventure?" queried the smiling demigod.
"Yes, and it's so close to the Academy. I'll be able to stop by and check in on you now and again, if you wouldn't mind the company," added the former king.
"Watch it, Jase. That's my grandmother you're flirting with," laughed the hunter.
"Of course I wouldn't mind, Jason. You'd be more than welcome," replied the blushing woman.
"Good then, the cadets and I will help you pack and we'll move you out right away. You can ride in the chariot with me. I'll make sure you get there safely and get settled in," offered the former king with a renewed vigor in his voice and a new bounce in his step.
Before they departed company, Iolaus and Hercules said they would give Leandra a chance to settle in to her new home, agreeing to pay her a visit before the week was out.
The heroes were not more than five minutes out on the road leading away from Cyllabos when a loud, booming voice like thunder resounded about them and shook the ground with it's intensity. "Herculeeeeesssssss!!!"
"Whoa, what was that!" exclaimed the hunter as he attempted to keep his legs under him.
"That was Hades calling from Tartarus. He must have discovered the armored men," advised the demigod as the ground beneath his feet stopped shaking.
They both looked at each other with eyes wide.
"Run!" they shouted to each other in the same instant...and they both took off running. Yes, exactly as if all the demons of Hades were chasing them.
The End.
Disclaimer: No 'grandma babes' were injured during the production of this story. However, Iolaus suffered several minor bumps and bruises when the director made him do fifteen re-takes of the scene where he jumps out of the tree naked.
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