Iolaus knew that this time, he had pushed Hercules too far. He could tell because the demigod wasn't holding anything back in the good shaking he was giving the hunter and, when Herc really started yelling in earnest, the veins on his neck stood out as big as hemp ropes on a ship's anchor.
Iolaus managed to squeak out "Hurrrttiiinnggg meeeee, Heerrrcccc," through chattering teeth...which brought the demigod back to reality.
Hercules dropped his partner and ran his hands over his face hard, as if he were trying to erase the exasperated expression he felt frozen there.
"Okay...okay fine Iolaus. But I swear if you EVER do anything so stupid again I'll...I'll. Arrrrgggghhh! I just don't understand you. You're my partner and you have monsters, vicious warlords, bandits and insane gods all trying to kill you, right?"
"Right. Herc."
"And you do everything in your power to keep yourself from being killed by these terrible outside forces, right?"
"Yeah, so your point, Herc?"
"The point is, Iolaus, that when you pull a stupid stunt like this...like this..."
"Salmoneus called it Bungee jumping," supplied the hunter.
"Bungee jumping? Okay, like this bungee jumping...it's like you're trying to do the monsters' job for them. Like you're trying to kill yourself…or kill me with heart failure!!" retorted the still screaming demigod.
"Oh, come on Herc. It's not that bad. It's lots of fun and it really gets the adrenalin going. You've got to try it," urged the blond whirlwind as his partner shot him a scathing glance.
"Besides, it was invented by your friend Daedalus and he's a real thorough and careful inventor. Look Herc...look what else he's loaned us for this holiday. it's something he calls a "wind drifter," Iolaus grabbed the still trembling demigod by his gauntlet and pulled him from the center of the foot bridge over Razor Rock Canyon towards the brow of the nearby hill.
"Isn't it a beauty, Herc. Daedalus says all you have to do is strap yourself into this harness contraption and wait for the wind to pick you up off the ground. Then you just kind of drift on the wind...like a bird. Cool, huh?"
Hercules sat down hard on the ground near the "wind drifter." He placed his still reeling head in his hands and proceeded to tell Iolaus the story of Daedalus and his son Icarus and how Icarus died as a result of one of Daedalus' inventions that had gone wrong.
"Oh, man. I'm sorry Big Guy. I wish I'd known the whole story. I never would have listened to Salmoneus. Here, let me take these things back to the village. We can grab a bite to eat and then be on our way to meet Jason.
Hercules silently nodded and wondered how he would ever be able to swallow food ever again. He was sure that nothing would make it past his heart, which was still in his throat after witnessing Iolaus' jump off that bridge.
Once they'd made it back onto the road, and after Iolaus had apologized for about the tenth time, things started to relax between the two friends once again. Hercules could almost believe that they were going to have a truly relaxing vacation trip.
"You know Herc, this is going to be the first time that the three of us have been on a vacation together since our Vernal Equinox break in the last year of the Academy. I'm starting to feel like a kid again."
"They say that's the first sign of senility setting in, Iolaus -- you go into a second childhood."
"Very funny my friend. Just remember -- no age jokes in front of Jason. You know how sensitive he is about any mention of, you know...that subject."
"Yeah, almost as much as you are partner." replied the demigod with a small smirk on his handsome face.
"This is the first time since the Academy that we've been free to do something like this. It's the first time in years that we've all been bachelors, Jason has no kingly duties, there are no monsters or warlords to fight..."
"And you're not dead."
"Right...hey wait…Herc, be serious! I want everything to be perfect for Jason. This little vacation/birthday celebration is just what he needs to pick him up after a hard year of heading up the Academy."
"Don't worry Iolaus. Everything's going to be fine. It'll be just like old times, providing you don't turn everything we do into a competition."
"What are you talking about Hercules? I never..."
"You do it every time the three of us are together.
"I don't remember anything like that ever happening."
"What's the matter Iolaus? Experiencing loss of memory?"
"Very funny. Name one time I pushed you guys to compete. We'll see how good your memory is."
"Well Iolaus, first there was the time you wanted to see how long we could hold our breaths under water and you almost drown when a baby gold fish went up your nose. Then there was that time we were on the Argo and you wanted to see who could catch the biggest fish. You wouldn't let go even when the marlin almost pulled you over the side and then there was the time...."
"Okay Herc, I've gotten your point. But that was all in fun."
"But that's not how it ends up with any of your competitions. Iolaus if you only knew how many times..."
"Shhhhhh...Did you hear that," whispered the hunter?
"Hear what, Iolaus?"
"And I'm the one who's getting old, Ha! They say the hearing is the first thing to go. Listen Herc; we've got company coming any minute."
The two heroes took cover behind the trees and bushes at the side of the road and a few seconds later six very large, burly men left a forest trail coming to a stop on the main road. One of the men began to speak but the partners couldn't make out which one was doing the talking.
"Okay, here's the plan, plain and simple. He'll be coming down this road sometime during the next two days and we'll be ready for him. I've been waiting almost 15 years to get my revenge on King Jason for putting my brother in jail to rot and now's my chance. We're gonna make him wish he were dead long before we send him to Tartarus. Let's find a good place to camp where we can still see the road."
Just as the men were turning to leave, Hercules and Iolaus jumped out of their hiding place and confronted them.
"Who are you" the largest one of the men demanded?
Hercules grinned as he responded. "We're friends of King Jason and we're here to notify you of a change in plans."
The bandits began to circle the demigod and his partner. With a slight motion of his head Hercules signaled Iolaus to get into their back-to-back fighting positions.
"Hey look boys" yelled the big thug closest to the hunter. "It's one-and-a half of them to six of us. How do ya like them odds?"
His cohorts laughed and kept circling the two heroes, sizing them up.
"Hey Shrimp, think you can take me," taunted the biggest thug again?
"Sure I can. I haven't beaten up my quota of idiots yet today." replied the smirking hunter.
The thug ran towards Iolaus with intentions of finishing him off in one shot. The hunter just flipped him over his shoulder and the bandit found himself flat on his back looking up at the sky. The thug got back up onto his feet but the hunter didn't give him a chance to get a punch in. He spun around like a top, lifting his leg high and meeting the large man's jaw with his foot. Not just once, but five times, only then allowing the senseless body to drop to the ground in a heap.
"One down, five to go!" shouted Iolaus to his partner. That spurred on the remaining five bandits to go on the attack all at once.
Hercules wanted to make quick work of this. He clobbered one of the large men knocking him cold with a roundhouse punch to the jaw. He picked up the limp body by its arms and swung him around like a cudgel to flatten two of the other attacking thugs.
Iolaus kept the other two bandits busy and hurting with some of those Eastern fighting techniques he loved to dazzle his opponents with.
Hercules looked over to his friend and yelled, "let's end this now. I want to get to the inn sometime today." So with a one-two punch here -- and a high-flying kick there -- Iolaus finished off the last two bandits in quick order.
With the six bodies laying at their feet the two heroes congratulated each other and proceeded to tie their prisoners together. They waited for the men to revive so they could turn them in to the authorities in the next town, which just so happened to be their destination.
Hercules and Iolaus paraded into town with the prisoners causing a small commotion with the townsfolk in the marketplace who instantly recognized the demigod and crowded around him. Hercules asked Iolaus to check into the inn for them while he took the prisoners to the magistrate.
When he finished turning over the prisoners, the demigod made his way through the town, greeting well wishers and shaking hands. Finally Hercules entered the main room of the inn finding it almost empty.
The demigod approached the lone patron. "Excuse me but did you see my partner come in here a while ago. He's a blond guy about so high?"
The old man replied, "well son, a blond about that high came in about 20 minutes ago. He checked in and went back that way to find the innkeeper -- he said something about missing lunch because of some bandits and he wanted a really big, special dinner to make up for it."
"Yes, that would be my partner. Thanks."
Hercules went to the back of the inn and let himself into the kitchen. He saw the blond crouching behind the counter searching the cabinets. Being as quiet as he could possibly be in an attempt to startle his friend, the demigod leant over the counter, ruffled the blond hair and said "Iolaus, you can't be so hungry that you'd raid the kitchen before the innkeeper gets here."
"Mmmmm. That felt good Hercules," purred the blond as the head rose over the counter top to reveal a stunning pair sapphire blue eyes with magnificent gold flecks…but she was definitely not Iolaus.
Hercules hemmed and hawed an apology as the woman laughed the incident off.
"Please allow me to introduce myself. I'm the innkeeper and you can call me Nora."
"And you can call me Hercules, um...but you already know that," replied the blushing demigod.
"If you're looking for Iolaus, you just missed him. He saw this basket of apples and asked if I could make you some apple pastries. He said they're a favorite of yours. Your partner is very charming and very persuasive so I agreed, if he would go to the market and buy some eggs."
"Thank you, that's so kind of you. I haven't had apple pastries in a very long time. How can I ever repay you?"
"Well, you could help me find my scroll, I know I left it in here this morning, but the chambermaid must have put it away for me."
"Is this it," asked the demigod as he reached for a shelf over Nora's head? He took the scroll down and admired it before handing it over to the innkeeper.
"Have you read this play yet? Iolaus and I saw it performed when we were in Thrace last month."
"Yes, it's one of my favorites. I've read it several times," replied Nora.
Excited to be having an intelligent conversation about the theater, Hercules asked, "did you like the part where the leading man says 'He who possesseth the sword shall pierce his enemies unto the quick...'"
" 'Yea and smite them into the blood-bespattered earth of their fore fathers,' Nora finished the quote for the demigod with a flourish of the scroll. "Yes, Hercules, that's one of my favorite parts. Do you get to the theater often?"
It was the first time in ages that a woman had looked at him with more on her mind than just his muscles and good looks. This made the demigod laugh nervously. "I really don't get out much because of my lifestyle. Iolaus and I travel around too much to really enjoy the finer points of life."
"I have a large collection of scrolls and you're more than welcomed to read them while you're a guest here," offered the innkeeper as she met his eyes.
"Thank you, Nora. I'd appreciate that." The room started feeling a little warm and he backed up, knocking into some pots and pans that were hanging from hooks in the kitchen ceiling. The demigod could feel himself blushing under her soft gaze and knew he would have to get out of the room before he did something to make himself look foolish in front of the innkeeper. "Uh...when Iolaus returns would you tell him I'll be waiting for him in the main room? And, um...would you, uh ...please join us for dinner? Iolaus and I would like that."
"Sure, Hercules. You go rest and I'll tell him when he returns."
The demigod walked around the main room of the inn admiring some of the improvements Nora had made to the place since the last time he and Iolaus stayed there a couple of years before. He had just settled himself into a comfortable chair when Iolaus walked in from the kitchen munching an apple.
"You've met Nora, huh Herc? She's great isn't she? Pretty hair, nice eyes and she's smart and she owns her own business and the vendors in the market place say she's the best cook for miles around..." Iolaus trailed off as he realized his partner was blushing furiously and looking like he'd been caught day dreaming.
"Yeah Iolaus, we've met and we had a nice talk while you were in the market place. I think she sort of likes me."
"Herc, how can you tell something like that from just one conversation?"
"How do you usually tell if a woman likes you Iolaus?" Hercules asked with genuine interest.
"Well Herc, usually if she doesn't stop kissing you when she runs her hands through your hair and she keeps working her way down until her hands are under your vest and then down until...well, you get the picture." Then, the hunter's jaw dropped as realization hit. "She didn't Herc, did she?"
"No Iolaus, of course not. Nothing like that happened - but I just know she likes me. I can feel it."
"Okay, lover boy, keep dreaming like that. Lets go to our rooms and get washed up before dinner."
Laughter filled the air in the main room of the inn and most of that laughter was coming from the table shared by Nora and two very talkative heroes. Dinner started off rather quietly because of the demigod's natural shyness around new people -- and especially around new people who were as desirable as Nora. Iolaus felt it was his duty to get the evening off to a good start so he broke the ice with some stories of their travels. Before he had gotten too far into his recounting, it seemed to unleash Hercules' tongue. To the untrained eye it would have seemed just like two old friends telling entertaining stories. In truth, before long they were in a competition to see who could tell the better story and get more laughs and giggles out of their dinner guest.
"I hate to break up this party, but if you two will excuse me I have to be up early. My day starts before dawn," moaned Nora.
"I'd better get up early too Herc" yawned Iolaus as he stretched his muscles. "I've got to get some hunting in. Our friend will be joining us any time now Nora, and you're going to need some extra game with all these hungry men to feed."
"I was wondering why you reserved three rooms. But you don't have to worry about getting up early on your vacation, Iolaus. I do all the hunting here. That's why I'm up before dawn. It won't take long either; the woods here are plentifully stocked with game."
"You're a hunter?" queried Hercules.
"Why? Does that surprise you? Don't tell me you're one of those men who believe a woman's place is in the kitchen, Hercules. Because if you are, you'd better not let Artemis hear you. She's the only one of your godly relatives that I have any respect for and I'm sure she won't take kindly to that attitude," Nora injected defensively.
"No, it's nothing like that. You're a woman of many talents. I like that. And no, I don't believe a woman's place is in the kitchen."
"Yeah, an Amazon queen taught Hercules that lesson a long time ago. Right Herc?" asked his partner.
Iolaus didn't want the evening to end on a sour note so he mentioned "when Hercules hears the word 'hunter' he usually thinks of me because I'm a hunter too."
Catching on and relieved that the conversation was lightening up, Hercules added, "Yeah, Iolaus is right. He is the best tracker I've ever known."
"Nora, how about we both go hunting together in the morning. It'll go faster that way. I'm just full of Old Hunter's Tricks," Iolaus injected.
"Yeah, he's definitely just full of it," grumbled the demigod.
Iolaus shot him a quick glare before continuing. "That way I can show you those game birds that are Jase's favorites. Hey Herc, remember the time that Jason ate one of those big things all by himself and he groaned about a stomachache for almost two days straight?"
"So, the third room is for your friend Jason? That's my favorite name. If I ever have a son that's what his name is going to be. Was your friend named after King Jason," Nora inquired?
Hercules laughed and Iolaus giggled as he answered. "Our friend IS King Jason."
"Jason!!!!! King Jason is coming to my inn! Oh, by the gods! Why didn't you say so earlier? He's my hero! Ever since I was a young girl my father used to tell me tales about his great battles and treaties and the journeys of the Argo. I know about all of them. I should have realized..." squealed the innkeeper.
"Well he's always been our hero too, Nora. We can certainly understand how you feel," replied the grinning demigod. Iolaus heartily added his agreement.
"Oh my, King Jason's coming here! I can't believe I'm actually going to get to meet the great King Jason tomorrow!"
During the excitement they had failed to notice the cloaked man who had stepped in the door of the inn a few moments before until he spoke and they all turned, as one, towards the door.
"I'm sorry, you're not going to get to meet him tomorrow...because I'm already here!"
Hercules jumped out of his chair and ran over to greet their friend with a hearty warrior's handshake and pats on the back.
"Hercules...Iolaus...it's so good to see you both. Have you been waiting long," asked Jason?
"No, Jase. We arrived this afternoon. We've just finished dinner. Come sit with us. Can we get you anything?" invited the demigod.
"No thanks. I'm fine. Are you going to introduce me to your company, or are you fellows going to be greedy and keep all this loveliness to yourselves" inquired the former king?
"Oh, sorry Jason. Please let me introduce you. Jason, this is Nora; she's the innkeeper here. Nora, this is our friend Jason," said Hercules.
"King Jason" said Nora as she began to curtsey in front of the former king."
"Please, don't curtsey. I'm no longer royalty. I'm just one of the guys and I'd appreciate it if you would treat me that way," offered Jason as he stopped her in mid-bow and proffered his hand for a hand shake.
"How much of our conversation did you hear?" mumbled the demigod.
"I heard enough," Jason answered as he turned towards his best friends with a twinkle in his eye and a warm smile on his lips. Then turning back to Nora, Jason queried, "your father knew a lot about my battles and treaties? Did I know him?" Nora hemmed and hawed and said probably not and changed the subject very abruptly. "I really must turn in now - if you want anything please just ask the barkeep."
Before retiring to her quarters, Nora invited Iolaus to hunt with her in the morning. Then with a warm smile for the demigod she left the men to catch up with each other.
Hercules turned to Iolaus and said, "did you see that smile she gave me before she went to her room? Now you tell me that doesn't mean she likes me."
"Herc, don't you think you're reading too much into a smile? After all, I'm the one she invited to go hunting with her in the morning, not you."
"Boys, boys. Have you all missed something here? She couldn't come up with enough good words to describe how happy she was to have her 'hero' here. If anything she most certainly likes me," Jason chimed in.
The three of them looked from one to the other and burst our laughing. "Listen to us," chuckled Jason. "We sound like a bunch of teenagers sitting around a table at Cora's. Get us a round of drinks and make mine cider then I'm going to bed. I've been traveling for almost twenty-four hours straight and I need a good night's sleep.
The men spoke for a while over their drinks. The demigod and hunter told Jason about the planned ambush they thwarted earlier in the afternoon. As they were sorting out the room assignments before turning in for the night the three men were startled by a commotion outside the inn. An agitated magistrate burst in to the common room calling for Hercules.
The barkeep pointed him in the direction of the demigod's table and the three heroes rose to meet him.
"Hercules, one of the bandits you captured earlier has escaped. It happened sometime within the last hour. Do you want us to put a posse together to go looking for him? Or we could try to intercept King Jason on the road and offer him our protection."
"Don't worry," Iolaus assured the magistrate, "this is Jason and we're here to offer him protection. What damage could only one bandit possibly do against the three of us?"
The magistrate left the inn reassured by the demigod and his partner.
And the three men retired for the evening.
Hercules lay in his bed thinking of Nora and murmuring to himself before sleep claimed him. "I don't care what Iolaus says; I know she likes me and I'm going to prove it to him and Jason."
Iolaus lay in his bed thinking of Nora and murmuring to himself before sleep claimed him. "Herc, after the hunting trip tomorrow, you'll see who the beautiful innkeeper is fond of."
Jason lay in his bed thinking of Nora and murmuring to himself before sleep claimed him. "Gentlemen, serious hero worship on the part of the lovely lady will totally eclipse anything you two can possibly come up with. Stand back and watch the master at work."
Nora and Iolaus left the inn before dawn to hunt in the forest bordering the town. Iolaus was excited to be having an intelligent conversation about hunting especially with someone as knowledgeable and pretty as the innkeeper. Nora became intrigued when he showed her a trick with a bow and two arrows that he had learned when he was a cadet at the Academy. She begged him to show her how to do the trick and Iolaus was more than happy to oblige. Standing close behind her, he put his arms around her arms to hold her steady until she got the hang of it. The pretty innkeeper did absolutely nothing to encourage the hunter but it wasn't necessary. Iolaus was becoming more and more enamored of the huntress and by the time they returned to the inn he was walking on air. He left her at the kitchen door, asking her to let Hercules and Jason know that he wouldn't be joining them for breakfast. He had some business to take care of before they began their vacation. He would think of something to tell his friends later when they asked him what was so important that it would make him miss breakfast. It wouldn't do to tell them that he was making a special trip to Aphrodite's temple to call in one of his favors. He wanted the goddess of love to get some intricately carved arrowheads from her sister Artemis so he could give them to Nora as a gift.
As soon as Iolaus had left on his pre-dawn hunting trip with Nora before, Hercules very quietly let himself into the innkeeper's study to examine her scroll collection. He wasn't so much interested in doing some recreational reading as he was in taking an inventory. He wanted to see what scrolls she had and which ones she was lacking in her collection. When he had a pretty good idea of the way her tastes in scrolls ran, he went back to his room to await the opening of the marketplace. The demigod was determined to get her at least two new releases of plays as a gift. Hercules realized that he would have to spend some of their vacation money. The money that was meant to get them rooms at an inn on the way home. He had worked very hard for most of that money and he felt that making Nora happy was definitely worth the discomfort of sleeping outdoors for a couple of extra days.
Jason woke early and took extra care with his morning exercises and his grooming. For the first time in years he wanted his hair and his outfit to be just right before he made an appearance at breakfast. As he bathed, he reviewed the events of the night before. His heart swelled when he recalled Hercules words telling Nora that he, Jason, was a hero to his two best friends. He was equally warmed to the heart by the enthusiastic and reverent attention of the innkeeper. When he was satisfied with the man he saw in the mirror, he went to his travel bag and began digging through it, pulling out an intricately carved antique box. He sat on the end of the bed and dusted the box off before he opened it to admire his treasured chess set. He brought it with him because he was planning to play some matches with Hercules in the evenings around the campfire. After breakfast he would take it to the silversmith to be polished and prepared so he could give it to Nora as a token of his appreciation.
He was hoping to have an intelligent conversation with the pretty and knowledgeable woman about the impressive list of peace treaties he negotiated during his reign as king. His friends would never sit still for a serious talk like that.
The three heroes met in the main room for lunch and spent some time swapping stories and doing some more catching up with each other. During a lull in the conversation Jason casually asked Iolaus how successful his hunting trip had been. He expected to hear about all the game that the hunter and Nora had brought back for dinner. Instead he got a run down on how much information the hunter was able to find out about their beautiful hostess.
"Did you know that she's a widow? Her husband was a master carpenter and he re-built most of the rooms here before he passed away two years ago. They never had children. Just someone named Sparkus who lived with them."
Hercules chuckled; "Sparkus was Nora's cat. She had him from when she was a young teenager. He died a couple of weeks ago."
"How do you know that Hercules" inquired the former king?
"The chambermaid told me after I found one of the pussycat's play toys next to the chest in my room. She said he was a big tiger-striped cat with golden eyes."
"Hmmmm...I saw a mother cat with a litter of kittens crossing the forest road not far from here. One or two of the little ones fit that description. That Sparkus must have been pretty active well into his old age," Jason said with an amused attitude. Then changing the subject he said, "you know fellows, I'd like to stick around here for another day or two before we start our vacation trip. I rather like this relaxing atmosphere. What do you say?"
Neither the demigod nor the hunter had any objections. In truth, they were both grateful that Jason had brought up the subject that was foremost in both their minds.
(Meanwhile, in the next town over...)
The scar-faced, escaped bandit sat in a tavern at a table by himself.
He was occupied with the methodical sharpening of his machete. It helped him to relax. He was biding his time after sending messages to his two brothers. He urged them to hurry and meet him for some family quality time...they were all going to have some fun getting even with Jason for putting their other brother in jail so long ago. The thought of how he was going to torture the former king when he caught him brought a crooked smile to his grizzled face. In fact, he enjoyed the thought so much that he began chuckling to himself. The other patrons turned to look at him and smile. When his chuckling turned to maniacal laughter, and his machete sharpening escalated to a faster pace, the patrons cleared out as quickly as they could -- leaving the bandit alone in the tavern to enjoy this thoughts.
The inn was very quiet after lunch and Hercules found Nora in her office. "Hi, I hope I'm not disturbing you."
"No Hercules, you're not disturbing me. Can I help you," inquired Nora?
"Yes actually, you can help me by accepting this small token of my appreciation for the wonderful dinner and good company last night. I haven't had that much fun in a long time." With that the demigod pulled two brand new scrolls from behind his back and presented them to the stunned innkeeper.
"Hercules, that's the nicest thing that a guest of mine has ever done. Thank you, they're beautiful but I can't accept such an expensive gift."
"I insist. Now I don't want to hear another word. Will you join us for dinner again tonight as my guest?"
"Certainly, Hercules. Thank you" said the innkeeper as she came around the desk to give him a kiss on the cheek before she went to the study to put the scrolls away.
Nora returned to her office and resumed her bookkeeping chores when there was another knock on the door.
"Come in," she called.
"Am I interrupting something important?"
"No, nothing I can't do later. How can I help you Iolaus?"
Well, I had one of the most wonderful times hunting this morning and I wanted to do something special to thank you. It would make me so happy if you would accept this small token of my appreciation." With that Iolaus handed Nora a beautiful leather box containing three golden arrowheads. Nora let out a small gasp and started to push the gift back at Iolaus.
"I can't accept such an expensive gift. It's not appropriate."
"No Nora, I didn't pay for them," explained the hunter.
Nora shot him a startled glance at that admission.
"Oh, no Nora, don't get the wrong idea. I didn't steal them. Aphrodite and Hephestus owe me a couple of favors and I just called one of them in. I asked them to get me a set of Artemis' arrowheads for you. When you use these, you can never miss. Not that you would ever miss. I mean, you're a great hunter and you probably don't miss very often...I'm sorry...I'm having a hard time expressing myself right now...but believe me, they're not stolen."
"Thank you, Iolaus. I don't know what to say."
"Just say you'll join us for dinner tonight, as my guest."
"Certainly Iolaus. I'd be happy to dine with you again tonight."
With a grin on his face and a bounce in his step the hunter left Nora's office thinking that a nice long trip to the bathhouse would be in order before dinner.
Nora put the arrowheads away with the scrolls for safekeeping and returned to her bookkeeping chores; shaking her head in wonder over the thoughtfulness of her guests.
Not much later there was another knock on the innkeeper's office door. "Come in," she called fully expecting to see the chambermaid who normally checked in around this time each day. It was Jason who entered her office instead carrying an intricately carved wooden box.
"Good afternoon, Nora."
"Good afternoon to you too, your highness," responded the innkeeper.
"Please Nora, I told you last night, I'm no longer royalty. Right now, I'm just Jason."
"Okay, I'll call you by your name, but you'll never be 'just Jason' to me. Can I help you with something, Jason?"
"Yes, actually, you can accept this gift. I felt like I had to do something special for that warm welcome I received here last night. I think you'd be one of the few people in the world who would appreciate this."
"It's the most beautiful box I've ever seen," said Nora.
"It's more than a box; it's a chess set that was given to me by my father. I had it with me on all of the voyages of the Argo and all of my years as king. A lot of those strategies of mine that you were admiring last night were worked out while I was playing chess with this very set."
"I can't accept this Jason. It's priceless." Nora very firmly put the box back into Jason's hands.
"Then just let me keep it here with you, Nora. It will look perfect on display in your main room with the proper cabinet. When I come back to visit we can play some and talk about my voyages. Would you like that?"
"Of course, Jason. I would love to have you visit again. Thank you for the gift."
Nora closed and locked the door to her office and sat down to think about all of the events of the past two days. She began to put two and two together and realized what was happening. She was flattered but she had to put a stop to it for her sake as well as the sake of the heroes' friendship. She decided a confrontation was in order.
Dinner was excellent. The game birds were cooked to perfection and the heroes were happy with everything. Good talk, good companionship and the much-anticipated company of a good woman. When Nora finally joined them she was carrying a sack and remained standing when the three men invited her to sit with them.
"I would love to join you but I can't tonight, or for the rest of your stay here for that matter." Then Nora dumped the contents of the sack on the table and out fell the scrolls, the arrowheads and the chess set.
"Believe me when I say that your attentions are flattering. Well, actually, more than flattering. Under different circumstances they probably would have been welcomed. I must be very honest with you all. I have someone in my life right now. He's a widowed warrior with a young son and he has become very special to me. Eventually, when the time is right for the both of us, we hope to be married."
Jason recovered first and told Nora that as disappointed as he was for himself, he was happy for her in her budding relationship. She thanked him and took her leave of them so she could prepare herself for her special someone's arrival.
The three men finally looked at each other sheepishly and picked up the gifts they had given Nora earlier in the day.
Iolaus was the first one to break the ice. "So Herc, where did you get the money to pay for those scrolls? That's a pretty expensive gift."
"I took it from my share of the vacation money. Do you have a problem with that Iolaus? And where did you get the money for what you gave Nora? By the way, what did you give Nora?"
"It didn't cost me anything," Iolaus defended himself. He slowly opened the box to reveal to his companions Artemis' golden arrowheads. "Before you get started, Herc. No -- I didn't steal them. Aphrodite and Heph owe me some favors and I just called one of them in. Okay."
"Favors, Iolaus? What kind of favors could they possibly owe you? Wait! Don't answer that I don't think I want to know."
"And you, Jason. How could you possibly give away such a priceless item as the chess set your father gave you..."
"Enough! We've all been acting like giddy young fools here. Myself included. Let's just try to forget this as the embarrassing situation it is. The important thing here is -- who could possibly be more desirable to Nora than one of us. Here we are three very good-looking men, a demigod, a hero-warrior and a former king -- legends in our own time. Who could she possibly prefer to the three of us?"
"You're right, Jase. Who is this icon? Who could possibly compete with the three of us? It doesn't make sense," questioned the demigod.
"Well, I've got to see this with my own eyes. He better be the most handsome, most muscular, most wonderful guy on the face of the earth or none of this makes any sense," added the hunter.
They finished dinner in silence and stayed at the table where they could see the door of the inn. Iolaus sat at the end of the table preparing his fishing flies while Hercules and Jason played a friendly game of chess. They were all nervously checking the door every minute or so until finally it was pushed open by a rather large man in the hooded cloak of a very high ranking military officer.
He approached the barkeep, greeting him in a deep voice, "Hello Devon, where's your mistress Nora?"
"She'll be out shortly. Here, have an ale while you're waiting, sir."
"Thanks, I don't mind if I do."
The voice was somewhat familiar to the three heroes but when he sat at the table and pulled the hood back all of their questions were answered. Hercules stood quickly, knocking over some of the chess pieces in the process and in a disbelieving voice he asked out loud, "Iphicles???"
Nora entered the main room just in time to see the three heroes stalk over to the table where her sweetheart sat waiting for her. He didn't look too happy about seeing the three heroes and the innkeeper began to wonder if there was a problem, until she saw the broadening smiles on the three men as they approached the table. She stayed a little bit off to the side until the men had a chance to greet each other.
"Iph, it's great to see you. What a surprise! How's my nephew doing?" enthused the demigod as he swept Nora's beau up into a great bear hug.
"Iph. This is great. I'm so glad it's you...I mean I'm so glad to see you," said Iolaus as the two shared a warrior's handshake.
"Iphicles! It's so good to see you again, my friend. Who's keeping the throne warm while you're out gallivanting around like this" asked the former king?
"Iph...Iphicles? Iphicles?" stammered the shocked innkeeper. "That's your name? King Iphicles. Oh, by the gods. And you never told me. How could you deceive me like that? I don't understand."
"Nora, please my dear let me explain. I had reasons for not letting anyone know I was the king. It's not always safe to wander about without an escort when you're king. Sometimes I just need to get away. Palace life can be suffocating at times. I thought I finally found someone who could like me for myself. Just plain Iph. Not King Iphicles, not Hercules' brother. Just me. But I thought you knew my name was Iphicles. How could you think any differently?"
" 'Iph' is the nickname for Iphram. 'Iphy' is the nickname for Iphicles. You know that as well as I do yet you chose to let me believe your name was Iphram"
Hercules interrupted the innkeeper. "Wait Nora. I can explain that.
Ever since we were little kids, if I or anyone else every tried to call him 'Iphy' we would get beat up on. He's my big brother so he could always get his licks in even if I eventually became stronger than him. He's always been 'Iph' and I'm sure it wasn't my brother's intention to deceive you in any way."
"Well now all of you are grown up and he doesn't need you to defend him Hercules. He never told me he was the King either and after all these months you'd think he would at least trust me enough to tell me. No trust...no relationship."
Nora turned on her heel and stormed off in the direction of her study, leaving the four men to sort things out.
The demigod started in on his brother first. "Iph, I would have thought that you'd have learned your lesson after what happened between you and Rena. Mom always taught us that honesty is the best policy."
The men all started to talk at once trying to give Iphicles advice and comfort but Jason's voice of authority rang out clearly over all of it. "Look Iphicles, you're not going to settle anything with Nora while you're standing here talking with us. Go to the woman. Keep a level head and negotiate a peace treaty between the two of you. You're good at that. I taught you everything I know and I know you can do it."
Iphicles looked at all of them, nodded and took off after Nora.
The three heroes retired to their rooms and they could all hear the muted voices of the King and the innkeeper bickering on well into the early morning hours. They could all hear the raised voiced and the slamming of doors. They could all hear Iphicles' heavy footsteps on the stairs as he went to his room. The three lay in their separate beds in their separate rooms with their separate trains of thought. Yet they each arrived at the same conclusion at the same time. 'Nora would need someone to fall back on if Iphicles were out of the picture. From what they heard tonight, things didn't look too good for Iph. The field appeared to be wide open for them to compete for Nora's affections. The most immediate way they could think of to win the fair maiden's affections would be to appeal to her heart, her soft side. Something that was not expensive, something that was thoughtful. Replace Nora's cat Sparkus. Give her the gift that kept on giving. The mother cat would soon be waking to find food for her litter. If they could just find her and the litter, they would be Nora's hero.'
In the last hour before dawn unbeknownst to the others, each man snuck out of his room bent on the same task.
None of the heroes were around to hear Iphicles sneak back down the stairs, knock on Nora's study door to ask if she were still awake. Of course the innkeeper was too wound up to sleep so the door opened and Nora welcomed Iphicles into the study to conclude their peace negotiations.
About an hour later, Nora and Iphicles left the study smiling, kissing and agreeing to put the seal on their peace treaty when Nora returned from her early morning hunting trip. Nora was concerned because she still had a matter to discuss with Iphicles that was giving her a guilty conscious. Iphicles reassured her with a kiss and told her there was nothing that the two of them couldn't work out together when she returned.
(Meanwhile, in the forest not too far from the inn...) "Wake up you idiots," the scar-faced bandit whispered harshly as he kicked his other two brothers awake. "There's someone out there. I Can hear them. Get up and investigate."
"What do we do if we find someone?"
"Clobber them first and we'll ask questions later. King Jason's in the area. If it's him you catch , hold him for me," said the grizzled brother as he twisted his machete in the air. "I want the honor of drawing first blood."
The three brothers split up and started to search the forest.
Eventually one brother spotted Iolaus with his head down concentrating on the animal tracks in the soft earth. He thought about how easy it was going to be to clobber this one and a smile came to his ugly face. He quietly raised his mace an let it swing at the hunters head just as Iolaus bent down to thrust his hand inside a bush. The mace made a swooshing pass missing the blond head and almost carried the bandit with it. Cursing softly the bandit went to swing the mace again, but Iolaus got back to his feet and quickly ran off in the direction of a certain trail of paw prints. The mace again swung into empty space -- this time carrying the bandit to the ground with it.
The second brother spotted Hercules who had just caught sight of the mother cat running behind a tree. The bandit came up silently behind the demigod and swung his club just as the demigod quickly disappeared behind the tree to follow the cat. The bandit's club struck the tree so hard it sent tremors through his arms and the club falling to the ground.
Nora was also in the forest tracking a small wild boar when she thought she heard the beast rummaging around in the bushes several dozen yards away from her. She tried to get up into a tree to get a better look at where the rustling noise was coming from and to get a cleaner shot.
Nora watched briefly from her vantage point. Instead of sighting the boar, she caught sight of Jason hunting around for something in the bushes of the clearing. She couldn't imagine why he would be out so early and what he could possibly be looking for. Then, out of the corner of her eye she saw a slight motion and the glint of the first rays of the sun hitting off of something metal. A very large figure emerged from the cover of the forest and she recognized the shining metal to be a sword of some sort. Her heart pounded in her chest. She was too far off to be of any good to Jason in a hand to hand fight so she raised her bow with two arrows, exactly as Iolaus had taught her. Giving a silent prayer to Artemis that the two arrows would raise the odds in the former king's favor, Nora let them fly.
Jason finally caught sight of the mother cat as she made her way back to her litter. He bent over to grab the mother cat before she ran for cover in the bush. The bandit caught sight of the former king and snuck up on him as he was bending. Seconds before the bandit's machete descended towards Jason's neck, the two arrows flew out of the bush at the exact same time and they caught the bandit's arm, pinning it to a tree. The machete dropped to the ground at Jason's feet, causing the cat to screeched and run into the bush. Now that Jason was alerted to the danger, Nora ran back towards the inn to get Iphicles, Hercules and Iolaus to come and help the former king; believing them all to still be back at the inn.
The cat's noise, followed by the loud cursing of the pinned bandit alerted the hunter and the demigod who both ran in the direction of the sound from their different locations. They made it to the clearing just two steps ahead of the bandit's two brothers. After several attempts by the bandit brothers to clobber Hercules and Iolaus with their club and mace, the two heroes made short work of the bandits, knocking them out cold. Hercules asked Iolaus to go check on Jason while he tied the bandits together so they could take them into custody.
"Thanks for pinning this guy with that slick arrow trick of yours, Iolaus," said Jason as ran over to his side. "I probably wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for you,"
"I wish I could take the credit for that Jase but I didn't even bring my bow with me this morning. It must have been..."
"Shhhhh..." interrupted the demigod. "Did you hear that?" Just at that very moment the three heroes saw something furry scurrying for cover inside the bush next to Jason.
"Ah ha! You're mine little kitty cat," declared the demigod as he dove for the bush, searching inside with his long arm for the furry creature they had just spotted."
"No! I was here first, you let go Hercules. She's mine," protested Jason as he dove on top of the demigod trying to bat his hand away and find the momma cat for himself.
"Stop! Stop it right now you two. That's not what you think it is!" warned the alarmed hunter as he jumped into the pile with the other two, batting their hands away in an attempt to prevent a very big mistake.
"I'VE GOT IT!" yelled the triumphant demigod and he pulled the struggling creature out from the bush.
"Darn, you Hercules," complained the former king.
"Uh oh..." moaned the exasperated hunter as his partner pulled out, not the cute little kitty cat he and Jason had been expecting, but the cute little SKUNK that Iolaus had spotted.
Nora and Iphicles rushed into the clearing just in time to see the three heroes get sprayed by the frightened little creature. They backed up to a safe distance as Hercules let go of the indignant ball of fur.
A rustling noise came from the bush that Iphicles had inadvertently backed into. Several meows were heard, then a golden-eyed, tiger striped kitten shyly snuck out and began to wind himself around Iph's boot. The king bent down to retrieve the kitten and he held it up for all to see. Turning to Nora Iphicles said, "look sweetheart, this one looks just like Sparkus. And it looks like he's taken a liking to me. Why don't we take him back and give him a home at the inn?"
"Oh, Iphicles. That's such a wonderful suggestion. You are so thoughtful. Thank you so much," said the innkeeper as she threw her arms around the king's neck and gave him an enthusiastic hug and kiss.
The demigod, the hunter and the former king hung their heads and groaned in unison.
Three very unhappy heroes sat in a large wooden tub behind the inn snipping and griping at each other like little children. Hercules was taking the brunt of the teasing because it was his mistake that put them all in this embarrassing position in front of Nora. He was reaching the limits of his patience.
"Hey, hurry up with those tomatoes or we're never going to get rid of this smell," called the demigod.
"It's to-mah-toes, Herc. Say it right and maybe they'll bring what we need," argued the hunter.
"Tomato...to-mah-toe...it just gets the whole smell off, what more could you want?" Jason placated the two very annoyed heroes.
"How right you are," giggled the pretty innkeeper as she, Iphicles and the chambermaid came around the corner of the inn to dump large buckets of crushed tomatoes onto the three men in the hot tub. "It took us a while but Iphicles and I came to that same conclusion just a little while ago ourselves. Jason's right, Hercules. Even if your brother's name was Clyde, I'd still think he was the perfect man for me. What more could I want?"
"And Nora is the perfect woman for me," said Iphicles as he swept her into his arms and gave her a big kiss. Then turning to Jason he added, "This is the woman I'd give up my kingdom for just like you did for Mother. Maybe some day in the not too distant future I'll have to start thinking of a preparing my son to be my successor and I'll need you to help me train him for the responsibility, maybe as regent until he reaches manhood."
"Well, when that time comes Iph, you know I'd be honored to help with the task."
When she heard Iphicles declaration about giving up his throne for her, Nora became visibly upset. "Iphicles, you've been absolutely wonderful about the misunderstandings we've been having but now I have a confession to make and with all the fuss I made about you not being truthful with me, I'll understand if you can't forgive me for my own deception. I'm not the person you believe me to be either."
All eyes were riveted on the pretty innkeeper who was having trouble keeping the tears from flowing down her face. "You wouldn't have to give up your throne to marry me. That is, if you can ever find it in your heart to trust me again."
Turning to Jason, Nora said, "the reason I wouldn't tell you who my father is - is because you do know him. In fact you know him quite well. My father is King Thespius. I am one of his daughters."
"Wait," injected the demigod, "I've met all 50 of King Thespius' daughters and believe me, I would have remembered if you were one of them."
"King Thespius, my father, had 51 daughters. I was always the different one. I studied, I read, I hunted with my father. My other sisters were always preoccupied with their clothes and makeup and swapping princes and such. I had different interests. When they all ran off to chase after Hercules at dad's suggestion I refused to go because I was already in love with our kingdom's master carpenter. Dad almost disowned me when he found out that we had eloped, but he thought better of it and just banished me from the castle instead. He said I'd eventually make him happy...come to my senses and return to palace life."
"Well my love I know I'm happy about your possible return to palace life. Are you?" asked a totally smitten Iphicles.
"Oh yes! Palace life never looked so tempting," replied the equally smitten innkeeper.
"With this abundance of happiness we have, what do you say we go and spread it around a little. How about we visit your father and make him happy too?" suggested the King.
"I'd like that, Iphicles. Let's go right now." The two happy love birds turned and left.
The three heroes, who were still soaking in the hot tub, turned to look at each other. Their annoyed countenances quickly turned to sheepish smiles; which in turn quickly turned to subdued giggling and chuckling, eventually becoming raucous laughter.
Their laughter died down as they heard horses' hooves galloping down the road behind the inn. The heroes turned wistful eyes towards the riders, Iphicles and Nora, as they disappeared down the forest path to another kingdom. When the dust settled and the lovers could be seen no more, Jason placed consoling hands on his friends' shoulders.
Three sighs broke the silence, three chuckles replaced the sighs. Jason's voice filled the air as they turned back to the task at hand.
"Boys, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful vacation trip."
The End
Disclaimer: No odiferous creatures were harmed in any way during the course of this story. However, bushels and bushels of tomatoes...uh, to-mah-toes, willingly gave their lives for a chance to be in the same hot tub as Iolaus.
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