Iolausian Limericks Anonymous

Founded by Bwell
Faithful Followers the first week: Catstale, Chrysim and Ceryndip
Later that month: Lanfear and Ceredwyn
And after that:Norcia, Atalanta, Bona Dea, Paks, Jane

Limericks written May 22 - July 21, 1998.

Herc called Iolaus his brother
From his heart,not by blood or by mother.
Our lad had tears in his eyes,
And it brought many sighs
From Iolausians,who e-mailed each other!

And a Haiku

Herc can be a jerk,
But Iolaus has a heart
that forgives all things.

Norcia

There once was an old god named Zeus
Whose wife Hera kicked his Caboose
Fatherhood he did flunk
So he went and got drunk
'Twas our Herc who found Zeus on the loose!

And a Haiku,

Herc is a good son,
And Zeus a deadbeat dad.
Mom was wonderful.

Norcia

The ferryman on the river Styx,
Charon, was up to his old tricks.
Told Herc his way,
He'd not have to pay,
If he'd just teach him to pick up chicks

And if thats not bad enough,here's the haiku.

Charon's not so cute.
A face that could stop a clock
What's a guy to do?

Norcia

"Please, not again!" Our golden hunter pleaded
"I really don't want folks misleaded
If you'll wait and see
The writers won't kill me
My time in New Greeceland isn't completed.

I'm not sure what started this rumor
But please don't go into a tremor
I'm really okay
Just stopped in to say
What would they do without my humor?

And so, Iolausians, listen to the great IO's words
They're as reliable as any you've heard
As sources go
She's the best you know
She didn't just hear it from some little bird."

Brought to you by Bwell....When you want it in a limerick see Bwell

Disclaimer: The English language may have been dented for rhyming purposes in this limerick; however, the author is on summer vacation and not subject to rules of Elements of Style.

Bwell

Your limericks are just sublime
I love to read them all the time
The Golden Hunter set to rhyme
absolutely blows my mind!

Locita

There once was a rumor supplied
In which Iolaus appears to have died
In my opinion
It's just Hera's minions
Trying to have our Iolaus fix denied.

So what's a faithful Iolausian to do
We certainly hope this isn't true
Write to Ren pic
"Your rumors are sick"
But try not to panic the whole summer through.

Bwell

I just read an Iolausian limerick,
and the time went by too quick,
So then did i bother
to read another and another,
Til myself I wanted to kick,

They all were really quite good,
Best in the neighborhood,
I had to read more
til my eyes were sore,
and kept reading like I should.

I read til I was insane
But happiness did I gain
Now won't stop
until I drop,
And my head aches with pain.>

Catstale

The IML's all in a fuss --
What!? They can't kill Iolaus!
We'll rant and we'll rave
Our hero to save
We're Iolausians! Don't mess with us!

Ceredwyn

A welcome was sent for Justin Brennan Shaw
From Iolausians who stand in awe
Of this news so neato
From his mom, Leto
Justin, you're fortunate to have such a ma.

Bwell

Once was a Barbarian Librarian
Wrote cliffhangers many and varyin'
Her readers would wait
And think and debate
And pray she'd write more without tarryin'

Paks

They love cliffhangers, these witches!
They'll leave poor Iolaus in stitches.
I'll rant and I'll rave,
But they will not cave.
They just giggle at Ceredwyn's *itches!

Ceredwyn

Come on Creation, Please get real
I've come to wonder what is your deal
You've got to know
Herk's our show
We've certainly shown you how we feel.

But once again on the Home Shopping Network
All they showed were Xena clips, the big jerks
What made this worse
Was no mention of Hurst
They just had one picture of Iolaus with Herk.

I remained calm, but I admit I felt stern
And I found myself beginning to squirm
Yes I did lose it
And threw a huge fit
Pronouncing Iolaus really isn't that hard to learn.

Bwell

There once was an Iolausian named Jan
Who is a devoted Michael Hurst fan
We are quite proud
To say join the crowd
And to get you involved is our plan.

Bwell

To all of the newbies I neglected
I write this as I've reflected
I did't mean to
forget to limerick you
I'm very glad this List you've selected!

Bwell

RobyntheFox, you're no ordinary kid
To recognize the gifted Mr. Hurst as you did
And we love to discuss
Our beaming Iolaus
A character of whom we'd never want to be rid.

Welcome to our newbie, Dianne
Who just recently discovered THE MAN
With Hero's Heart
You had a great start
Always love to hear from another fan.

Bwell

Happy Anniversary Bwell,
And many more that are swell,
Have a great day,
Do as you may,
And you both in happiness dwell.

Catstale

Happy anniversary, dear Bwell --
24 years, ain't that swell!
The story can wait
While you celebrate...
We'll THEN hear the tale that you tell.

Ceredwyn

Bwell and her hubby, sittin' in a tree
24 years and happy as can be
Nice to know, we don't have to be blue
Cause fairy tales can come true
They are the proof, ya see.

Ceryndip

The news that we all dread
That Iolaus is dead,
It just ain't true,
we won't be blue,
And all the gloom we'll shed.

Catstale

To say that I'm very tickled pink
That *gaea* joined us quick as a wink
Is putting it mild
We all go wild
At having great people join us, don't ya think?

Bwell

Though Jane cannot rhyme words worth squat,
She's just heard some good news that's HOT!
Bwell and Hubby have shown
What love and respect have sown
Over 24 years together after tying the knot.

Jane

Now what I want to say is very true
Iolausians are the best from here to Timbukto
Your limericks were delicious
As well as your well-wishes
From the bottom of our hearts, we thank you.

Bwell

You wanted to join in the Oops Club?
And didn't? It wasn't a snub.
Just e-mail a friend
And don't watch where you send,
It's TOO easy, therein's the rub!

Ceredwyn

Once an Iolausian named Bwell
Had an IML record that was swell
But in trying to inform
The Amazon Storm
I slipped, and in the land of OOPS, I now dwell

Bwell

There once was a man named Salmoneous
Whos character was hardly Sanctimonious
Herc indulges him a lot,
but won't let him get caught
Doing anything remotely felonious

Salmoneous has
a heart of gold,that he would
sell(if he thought he could).

There once was a chef named Falafal,
Who attempted to invent the waffle.
Using a pancake that,
Wasn't quite flat.
The end results were quite awful!

Don't eat anything
Falafal will try to sell.
Iolaus learned!

There once was a king named Iphicles,
A half-brother from one of Herc's families.
And though they aren't related,
The Fates have so dictated,
He's a ringer for another Bro' Ares.

Ares is a big,
bad boy with an attitude.
He is such a hunk!

Norcia

There once was a huckster -- Salmoneus --
Whose dealings were somewhat felonious.
So great was his fame,
We've remembered his name --
Which appears in the works of Suetonius.

Nanaea

There once was a goddess named 'Dite,
who wore what looked like her nighty.
She said"With the help of Cupid,
We'll make you all look stupid,
'Cuz mortals in love act so flighty!".

Aphrodite is
a lot smarter than she looks.
Not just a great bod!

Norcia

The thug thought he could out-fox her,
But Xena moved in like a boxer.
He tried to duck,
But ran out of luck,
When he fell as he tripped over Joxer.

Joxer is the kind
of guy things fall on.
But he does mean well.

Norcia

I, for one, could never be sick
Of reading one of your limericks
You also do
Great Haiku
In my humble opinion, they're all slick.

Bwell

The first IML Joke Day is Near
And we'd like to be perfectly clear
whatever you've gots
of Jokes, we want lots
Look for them Monday, right here!

Don't forget the puns
Although some can be really bad
Groans are welcome too.

Paks

A big IML welcome to Maven
Who's found a brand new haven
A Trekker you've been
But, hey, that isn't a sin
With Iolaus, it Ain't Misbehavin'

And to Iris, our new Amazon friend
We're glad with us you've decided to blend
And delighted to see
you speak of myths with glee
I'm sure you'll enjoy this place without end.

Bwell

Welcome, Becky, we're delighted you're here
Please join right in; there's nothing to fear
We love having fun
And before we're done
Our joint obsession will be abundantly clear.

Bwell

There once was a strange summer season
The weather seemed quirky without reason
Our Texas in drought
Other places rained out
What's next, Death Valley is freezin'?

Wait what's that, a blast of Scandanavian Air?
Oh, just a thought of next season, I declare
I hate this info drought
They won't let us find out
Just a hint of what will happen to our pair.

The lips of TPTB just couldn't be tighter.
So we must rely on the brave fanfic writer
To continue the story
Of Iolaus's and Herk's glory
In their hands, our show's future couldn't be brighter.

Bwell

Welcome back to the limerick queen!
Her rhymes are always clever and keen!
But beyond compare
Are those about our pair--
Iolaus and Hercules, I mean.

Bona Dea

Memphis had rain today,
Wish I could send it your way,
But even at best,
weather comes from the west, Maybe you'll have it another day.

Catstale

A welcome goes out from the IML
To our new friend we'd love to tell
Howdy Shadrin
Join right in
Tis great to see our Iolausian numbers swell.

This weekend's going to be the best
Can't wait for the Texas IML IolausianFest
Twill be a blast
But will Austin last
Through this event? Guess we'll put it to the test.

Bwell

Iolaus didn't walk but ran
As he tried to catch up with Jan.
He said: "White Raven,
You're my Haven,
And I'm gonna be your man!"

She said, "You're my hero, it's true!
And I could never love any but you."
Then she felt her face flush
With a warm rosy blush
At the look in those eyes so very blue.

He said: "I'll never deny you or let you down.
And to every villager in every town
It shall be clear
That you're my dear--
My bright jewel in the most golden crown."

Bona Dea

A peaceful place was Austin's Drury Inn
Until the Texas Iolausians entered within
Too much giggling and many one-liners insued
And complaints the front desk accrued
Will Austin ever let us come back again?

Now that the deed has been done
The Texas Iolausian Fest was fun
Sixth Street survived
The Felonious Five
But Threadgills fell under the gun.

And our attempt at a haiku

My hand reached
overwhelmed by red
No Dr. Pepper for BonaDea

Texas Members of the ILA: Bwell, BonaDea, Lanfear, Jane and Ceryndip

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