It was a dark and stormy night. Two men sat around a campfire. One of them was telling a story.
“She was beautiful Herc. I mean absolutely gorgeous. I could have looked at her all night.”
“I bet you would have to if she hadn't had two brothers,” said Hercules with a laugh.
“Oh well you think its funny. I bet you couldn't keep a girl interested in you for a day if your life depended on it. I mean if you didn't tell them who you were.” retorted Iolaus.
“What's that supposed to mean?” asked Hercules as he leaned forward, his eyes narrowing.
“Oh, you know. Women hear your name and come running. I bet fifty dinars if it wasn't for the name they would give up on you in five minutes.”
“You don't have fifty dinars.”
“That doesn't matter. I’d win,” Iolaus replied, laying down to sleep.
Hercules looked over at friend on the other side of the fire. He knew he shouldn't make the bet. Iolaus was probably right. But there was no way in Tartarus he was letting him win this one.
“We'll be in town tomorrow,” he said, also lying down. “And I bet fifty deniers that I can get a woman in a day, without my name,” he added after a moments pause.
“Okay… Berona.”
The next day dawned bright and sunny on the two heroes. As they got to the market place they split up saying they would meet in the inn at sun down. If Hercules came in with a woman he would win, if not he'd lose.
Hercules/Berona went through the stands, looking at the goods but mostly keeping an eye out for a pretty lady.
“Hello miss. My name is Berona. I was wondering if you could kinda pretend we are going out. Just for the day. See my friend and I have this bet and OUCH!!!”
Meanwhile, on the other side of the market place, Iolaus was making quite a few friends.
“Ladies! Please. One at a time. Don't worry, there's plenty to go around. Hey, you can look but don't touch. Ladies please.
Then he caught sight of Hercules trying to persuade a young lady to come with him to the tavern. She was polite but when she caught sight of Iolaus, she quickly went over to him. Hercules threw Iolaus a look that would have stopped Ares in his tracks. Iolaus just smiled.
Hercules wasn't just mad, he was furious. The sun was starting westward and still not one woman would come with him to the tavern. He stalked away from the market place muttering to himself, “Can so get a woman…he set me up!…when I get my hands on him…” He stopped short when Ares appeared in front of him.
“Having trouble bro?” he asked without his usual sneer.
“Just leave me alone Ares.” Hercules replied sitting down on a stone.
“Listen, Hercules. I know we’ve had our differences in the past but this is different. We men have to stick together. I’ve been watching you. You’re going about this all wrong,” the god of war said, sitting on the stone beside him.
Hercules looked at him suspiciously but asked, “All right Ares, how do I get women huh? Are you the expert or something?”
“I’m no expert, I’ve just been at this longer than you is all. You see Hercules, women think they need us. They actually don’t but we can’t let them know that. You have to protect them. Just look at Xena if you don’t believe me. She found out she could protect herself and, well…”
“That’s it? Just protect them?” asked Hercules.
Pretty much. I’ll send in a dozen of my boys in in five minutes. Be ready.”
“Ares, I hate to say this but, thanks.”
“Don’t mention it. To anyone, ever,” warned Ares.
“Right, I’ll be in the square in five minutes,” said a shocked Hercules.
The mercenaries were easily taken care of. Iolaus was waiting for Hercules in the tavern, surrounded by women. When Hercules walked in with ten beautiful ladies in tow, his jaw nearly hit the table. And when Iolaus asked him what happened, he told a tale that wasn’t to be matched by even Iolaus.
The next day as the heroes were walking down the road away from the town Iolaus was unusually quiet. Whenever Hercules looked at him he was staring, open mouthed, at him.
Finally he asked, “Herc? Next time can I change my name?”
Note: Berona was the name Captain Kirk took on Organia to hide from the Klingons. It was the first name that came to my mind.
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