Iolaus strolled along, whistling a happy tune and enjoying the fine Spring day. He still had two days before he was to meet Hercules in Corinth and he intended to use the time to his best advantage. He was glad that Herk had decided to go visit his mother and Jason for a few days. They had been involved in one skirmish after another and both of them needed a rest. Iolaus had gone fishing and reveled in the solitude and peace that he found. Of course Hercules had insisted that he join him for the visit, but Iolaus knew that it was important that his friend had some time alone with his family. Upon hearing this, Hercules had reminded him that he was as close as any family he had. Though Iolaus knew this, he secretly longed for some time alone. He loved his friend like a brother, even more so, but still he found there were times when he needed to get away from the legendary hero. There wasn't much he feared, but the thing that scared him most was losing his own identity. Of course he was proud to be known as Herk's best friend, but he didn't want to lose his own individuality. He realized that Hercules himself saw him as more than just a sidekick; he had trusted Iolaus with his very life more times than he could count. But Iolaus sometimes needed to reaffirm his character, and he didn't feel he could do that living in Herk's shadow. He climbed the crest of a small hill and stood looking down at the valley below. It was one of the most beautiful sights he had seen in a long time and he was just a little surprised to realize that he rarely noticed such scenery. The calm afternoon air was suddenly shattered by the sounds of screaming. Iolaus listened carefully to determine the direction from which the sounds had come, and, upon hearing them again, headed down the other side of the hill, hand already on the hilt of his sword. It didn't take him long to reach the commotion. Six bandits had attacked an elderly peddler woman. Her horse, laden with goods, was being held by one of the cowardly thieves while the others rummaged through the contents of his packs. The woman tried to stop them, but even as Iolaus reached the scene, he could see her being shoved roughly to the ground, crying out in pain as she tumbled and rolled down a sloping incline.
"Hey!" Iolaus shouted, "Didn't your mother ever teach you how to treat a lady?"
As was his plan, all attention was diverted from the frail figure in the grass. "Be on your way, little man," one of the bandits yelled. "This is no concern of yours."
"I beg to differ." Iolaus smiled slyly. "Any time it takes six men to handle a little old lady, I'm very concerned."
The startled look on the thief's face was only there for a moment before it was replaced by a menacing grin. "How would you like to see how we handle YOU?" he called. Gesturing to his men he hollered. "Kill him!"
Iolaus braced himself in a ready stance as the brigands converged on him. The first one was felled easily by an arcing kick to the face. Iolaus turned just in time to duck a blow from the second, at the same time sweeping his legs out from under him in a display of swift agility. Then they were on him two at a time. One grabbed his arms and waited for the other to hit him. Iolaus ducked once again and giggled when he heard the robbers fist hit the face of his unsuspecting ally. His arms free, he deftly sprung into a handstand, wrapping his legs around the mans neck and before the startled thug could respond Iolaus swung his body up onto his shoulders knocking him out with a quick one-two punch. He jumped out of the way as the man fell and landed right in front of the fifth man, ducking a blow and coming up to deliver one of his own with a fist that the bandit didn't get a chance to see. That left only the apparent leader, looking on in dismay as his men were dispatched one by one. Slowly drawing his sword, his face once again broke into an evil grin. "So that's how it's gonna be, is it?" he growled. "I'm going to teach you a lesson once and for all, little man." He lunged at Iolaus with a cry of rage. Deftly stepping out of the way, Iolaus calmly drew his own sword and waited for the second attack that he was sure was coming. He smiled in satisfaction as the thief turned and lunged again, this time his face contorted with hate and anger. Iolaus met the sweep of his sword evenly and for a few moments both men engaged in lively battle, swords clashing. Iolaus rather enjoyed these little confrontations. They kept his skills sharp without posing any real danger. After toying with the increasingly agitated man for a moment longer, he suddenly remembered the old woman. Efficiently, he swiftly flicked the tip of his sword at the man's wrist and disarmed him with the one smooth movement. Iolaus held his sword to the man's throat, a wry smile spreading across his face. Slowly he advanced, watching the fear grow in the coward's eyes. When he was close enough, and he was sure the man thought he would die, he delivered a quick blow with his other hand and watched as the thug fell to the ground.
"Who's teaching who?" he quipped, returning his sword to it's sheath. Turning to check on the woman, he suddenly stopped and dropped to one knee beside the unconscious robber. "And by the way," he patted the man's shoulder patronizingly, "Don't ever call me little." With a short giggle, he rose and ran in the direction of the horse and the injured woman. She was sitting in the grass, wincing as she rubbed her left ankle.
"Are you OK?" Iolaus asked gently, one hand on her shoulder.
"It's me ankle," the woman moaned. "I think it may be broke."
Iolaus gingerly examined the swollen area. "Naw," he smiled encouragingly, "Just sprained is all. You'll be up and around in a couple of days."
"But how will I get to me house?" she asked. "I've a ways to go and I daren't think I can walk."
"I'll help you," Iolaus offered, smiling. "Where do you live?"
The woman pointed in the direction of a stand of trees. "Just past them trees." she answered. "I was on my way to Fracus to sell me goods when those ruffians attacked. What's the world comin' to?" she complained. "It ain't safe for a lady to go nowhere these days."
"Well," Iolaus glanced at the dazed bandits. "Don't judge people on that sort. There are still plenty of good folks around."
"Aye," she smiled a toothless grin, "And you'd be one of them."
"The name's Iolaus," he laughed, "I was just heading to Corinth."
"Well Iolaus," she held out her weathered hand, "I'd be Sierra. It's good to know ya."
"Let's see if we can't get you to your house and take care of that ankle, shall we?" Iolaus took her hand, an amused smile playing around the corners of his mouth. He helped her to her feet and steadied her while she tested out the injured ankle. Seeing that she couldn't possible walk on it, he swept her into his arms and carried her easily to the horse.
"You sure are a strappin young lad," the woman giggled.
Iolaus blushed slightly and set her down near the patient animal. "Thanks," he said awkwardly, "I try to eat right." Turning his attention to the horse, he started removing the packs. "I'll carry the packs and you can ride on the horse." he explained. "That way you won't be putting any weight on that foot." Laying the stuffed packs on the ground, he carefully helped her up onto the horse. Then, taking the reins in one hand he hoisted the heavy packs over his shoulder and started walking in the direction that she had indicated.
Once at the house, he helped her inside and went out to retrieve her bundles of wares. "Do you have something to wrap that foot with?" he asked, noticing the skin was starting to bruise.
"I can rip up that old sheet over there." she nodded toward the single cot in the corner of the one-room abode.
Iolaus went over to the bed and realized that the thin cover was all that she had. Tearing a strip no bigger than he felt he needed, he returned to her and helped her off with her sandal. Once the ankle was wrapped tightly enough to support the injury he stood, hands on hips. "Well that should do you for a little while," he sighed. "I'd try to stay off it as much as possible for the next few days though." He looked around the sparsely furnished room. "Is there anything I can get for you before I leave? I mean, will you be able to manage here alone?"
"Manage?" she scoffed, "Well I've been managin by my own self for years." She waved him away with her hand. "You've been a big help, sonny, now off with you. Go do whatever it is you young folk do."
Iolaus hesitated, not wanting to leave her alone with her injured leg. "Are you sure?" he asked uncertainly. "Could I get you anything from Fracus? Some supplies or something?"
"Ain't got no money," she stated matter-of-factly. "That's why I was aimin to sell my goods in town."
Iolaus glanced at the bags. "Perhaps I could sell the goods for you." he offered reluctantly.
She eyed him for a moment before breaking into a huge grin. "You would do that, wouldn't ya sonny." She cackled a slightly demented laugh, "'twon't do you no good. No one will buy them."
Iolaus frowned in confusion. "Then why were you trying to sell them?" he questioned.
"It's what I do," she explained patiently as though talking to a small child. "Each month I go to town with my goods and no one buys them and then I come home." she cackled again. "Been doin it for years, I have, and I'm durn good at it too."
Iolaus raised one eyebrow slightly as he realized that the woman was not altogether there. "Well," he breathed, not sure what else to say.
"Don't be worryin about me," she said softly, "I'm fine right here."
Iolaus knew that he couldn't just leave her there with nothing. "Tell you what," he decided. "Let me take a look at what you have in the packs and I'll see if there's anything there I might be able to sell. I can be pretty persuasive you know." He opened the bags and went through the contents quickly. Broken dishes, dirty cloth, dented pans. He realized with dismay that she had been speaking the truth. No one was going to buy this stuff.
"There's always Zeus," she giggled.
Iolaus turned to her puzzled, "Zeus?" he repeated.
She nodded, a twinkle in her eye. "He's my friend. I could sell him."
"Sell your friend Zeus," Iolaus sighed, thinking that she had gone off the brink of reality once again.
"He's right outside," she insisted, "He always waits for me when I go into town."
Iolaus glanced out the grimy window. "Outside?" he shook his head sadly. "Look Sierra, I'd like to help you, but Zeus is not outside that window."
"He is too," she pouted, "Go take a gander for yerself."
He sighed and decided to humour her. "OK, I'll look" He went outside and walked around to the side of the house, not sure what he would say when he returned without the King of Gods. To his surprise he saw a large white goose sitting on a makeshift nest of twigs and grass. "Zeus?" he whispered. Reaching out his hand to touch the bird, he was rewarded with a sharp bite. "Yow!" he cried, instantly withdrawing the damaged appendage. A slight trickle of blood ran down one of his fingers. Eyeing the offender warily he turned back toward the house. Sierra giggled when she saw him nursing his injured finger.
"I see you met Zeus." she tried to muffle her laugh.
"Yeah," Iolaus grumbled glancing in the direction of the bird. "We met all right."
"Would you take him to town for me, sonny?" she whined, "Please?"
Though he wanted nothing at all to do with the feathered fiend, he couldn't resist the pleading in her old eyes. "Sure," he smiled uncertainly, "I'll take him into town." As he turned toward the door, he heard her call out to him.
"You may want to take this," she smiled sweetly. He looked at the length of cord she held in her hand.
"A leash?" he asked in disbelief.
"Zeus don't like to be handled much." she explained.
"Right," he sighed, the pain in his finger reminding him of that little fact. Grabbing the leash he headed out to snare the goose.
Though he had fought countless warriors and even more than his share of monsters, Iolaus wasn't prepared for the struggle he now found himself up against. Just getting the cord around the goose's neck proved to more of a challenge than the hydra. "Well, you got the right name, that's for sure," he mumbled as he stood a safe distance from the enraged bird, holding the end of the cord tightly in his hand. "Come on you, we're off to town."
The walk to Fracus, though not long, was not without incident. Each time Iolaus turned his back on the ornery goose, it attacked him, biting at the back of his legs. He soon learned that it was wise to walk in back of the ill-tempered foul, keeping a safe distance between the two of them. "Just wait," he mumbled, "Once we get to town I'm going to sell you and by this time next week you'll be someone's pillow." He chuckled a little as he realized that he was talking to a bird. They were about half-way to Fracus when he met up with another peddler. "Good day," Iolaus smiled as he walked by.
"Excuse me," the man called to him. "I couldn't help but notice what a fine looking goose you have there."
"This goose?" Iolaus exclaimed incredulously. He was about to mention the ill temper when he suddenly realized that this could be the opportunity he sought. "Why yes," he beamed, keeping a wary eye on his feathered companion. "You won't find a better goose anywhere. I was just on my way to Fracus to sell him for 100 dinars." He looked hopefully at the peddler.
"100 dinars?" the man exclaimed. "Quite a hefty price for a goose, wouldn't you say?"
"You said yourself," Iolaus pointed out, "He's as fine a goose as they come. Nope, geese don't come much better than this." He slyly nodded his head in the direction of the speculative buyer. "Well, I better be on my way," he smiled. "There's bound to be a lot of folks in Fracus who will surely pay top dinar for such a prize bird." He had only taken a few steps when he heard the man call out to him once again.
"Just a minute," he waved Iolaus back. "You wouldn't mind if I took a closer look at him would you?"
Iolaus grimaced before turning back to face the man. "A closer look?" he asked uncertainly. He glanced at the goose and back at the man, forcing a smile. "Of course not," he said with a confidence he didn't quite feel. One bite from the bird and the sale was sure to go down the drain. On the other hand, he really didn't care to be saddled with the pest all the way to Fracus. Even then, he was sure he'd have difficulty selling the goose once prospective buyers felt the sting of his bite.
He watched nervously as the peddler came closer to the goose. He cringed as the man held out a hand to feel the firmness of the flesh. Eyes closed, he waited for the cry of pain as the goose bit the unsuspecting man's hand. Instead, all he heard was a calm bartering.
"I'll give you 50 dinars for him." the man said, stroking the feathers on the now docile animal.
Iolaus looked at the two in disbelief. That goose was standing there as nice as you please while the peddler stroked him gently. Iolaus recovered from the shock and stepped a few feet closer to the bird, thinking that maybe he'd just caught him at a bad time earlier. As soon as he was within a couple of feet, the goose attacked again, causing a startled Iolaus to jump back out of the way. "Hey!" he exclaimed. "Why don't you bite him?"
The man laughed, "Looks like he don't much care for you." he smiled at Iolaus.
"Ya think?" Iolaus retorted in exasperation.
"Tell you what I'll do," the man quipped, going back to his wagon to examine his wares. "I'll trade you for this lamp." He held up a brass coloured lantern. "Seems to me that you'd be wanting to get rid of that little fellow as soon as possible."
"No lamp," Iolaus shook his head. "It's not even my goose. It belongs to a lady back there who has no food and really needs the money."
"No food, huh?" the man mused. "Well then, I have a deal for you. Take these beans. She can plant them and always have food. Better than bringing her money that will last her only a few days."
"Beans?" Iolaus repeated frowning. "I don't know..." he replied uncertainly.
"Well these aren't just any beans." the peddler pointed out. "These here are special. They'll grow a stalk that will reach Olympus." he claimed. "There will be so many beans, that poor woman will never go hungry again."
"How bout the beans and 50 dinars?" Iolaus bargained.
"The beans and 20." the peddler countered.
Iolaus was about to refuse when the goose came up behind him, giving him a sharp nip in the hind end.
"Hey!" he jumped out of the way, glaring at the goose. "Deal," he said to the peddler, still not taking his eyes off the sneaky bird. "The beans and 20 dinars."
He made his way back to house where Sierra waited. When he knocked on the door, she called for him to come in.
"That was quick." she frowned. "You made it all the way to Fracus and back so soon?"
"Well not exactly," Iolaus stammered, not sure she would like the deal he made. "I met a peddler on the way. He bought the goose."
"Well good," she cooed. "Where's the 100 dinars?"
"I ... uh... " he paused, taking a deep breath before blurting out the deal he'd made. "I only got 20 dinars and this sack of beans." he winced, waiting for her to respond.
"20 dinars?" she scoffed in amazement. "Why Zeus was worth more than that when he was an egg!"
"But I got the beans too," Iolaus pointed out, holding up the small sack. "I can plant them for you and you'll always have food. Isn't that much better than buying food that will only last a couple of days? I mean, now you have to go no further than your yard and there you go, beans!" He waited, hoping that she would see the practicality in the trade.
"And just who's going to plant them?" she asked, "And look after them? And how long will they take to grow? A body could starve to death waitin for them beans of yours to grow. And that's ifin they do."
"I'll plant them," Iolaus offered meekly. He knew he should have held out for the money, but he was so glad to get Zeus off his hands that he had made what he knew was a trade that she would find unsatisfactory.
"Do what you please," she waved him away with a sigh. "I'll just be sittin here waitin for me beans to grow."
Iolaus went outside and looked around for a good sunny spot in which to plant the beans. He felt bad that he'd let her down and he made a commitment then and there that he would go out and try to hunt down some meat for the elderly woman. He got down on his knees and began to dig in the dirt with the point of his dagger. After digging a small hole, he took one of the beans from the bag and placed it gently in the ground. He covered it with soil and prepared to move on to the next spot. He had barely started to dig into the earth when he heard a low rumble. Looking up at the sky, he frowned. Couldn't be thunder. The few visible clouds were white and fluffy. The rumble grew louder and he look at the ground puzzled. It wasn't coming from the sky but from the earth. He momentarily thought about another monster and was reaching for his sword when the ground beneath his feet started to shift, throwing him off balance. As she struggled to remain upright, a large stalk broke through the dry ground and started reaching for the sky. He stood there, mesmerized as it snaked it's way toward the clouds and beyond. When all movement had ceased and the countryside was again quiet, he found himself standing before a large stalk, like none he had ever seen. At the base, it was as big around as two men and the leaves were bigger than his entire body. "What the..." he frowned, looking up toward the sky. The top of the stalk was no where to be seen. He looked at the sack in his hand. "Wow." He studied the enormous plant closely. It certainly looked like a beanstalk, if you ignored the impossible size. "She will have beans forever," he thought aloud. As he gazed upward, he could see that the closest beans were far out of reach. "Great," he grumbled. "She'll have to climb to get them down." Since he realized she was in no condition to do this he sighed, dropping the sack and returning his dagger to its sheath. "Now I've got to climb up there and get them down for her. Me and my bright ideas." He tested the lower leaves gingerly before applying all his weight to them. Much to his surprise they held him easily. They were many in number and he had no trouble at all climbing up toward the spot where the actual beans started. "This isn't so bad," he mused as he climbed. "I'll just pick them and drop them, then I'll pick them up later." He began picking the huge beans and letting them fall to the ground. He wanted to make sure he got a good enough supply to last her for a while, so he climbed higher and higher, searching for as many as he could find. He was a good way up when he thought he heard a sound. He listened carefully until he heard it again. It was faint but there was no mistaking that it was a cry for help. He looked down at the ground below. Had the woman hurt herself? Had she perhaps fallen on her injured leg? He started to make his way down the stalk when he heard the call again. It wasn't coming from the ground, but rather from the top of the beanstalk. He looked up. How could that be? As he heard it yet again, he realized that he couldn't ignore it. If there was a woman up there who needed his help, he couldn't turn his back on her. "Great," he mumbled under his breath as he started to climb again, "Herk is probably relaxing right now. Likely having an ale with Jason and Iphicles. And what am I doing? I'm climbing a beanstalk in search of some maiden in distress. I could have went with him, sure, but noooo, I've got to go off on my own in search of peace and solitude, yeah right." he stopped grumbling as he climbed higher, noticing that the air was getting thinner and wisely deciding to save his strength. He found himself in the middle of one of the clouds he had noted earlier. He reached one hand out to touch it, feeling nothing but cool, moist air. "Cool" he chuckled in spite of himself. "I'll bet this is something that Herk has never done." He continued climbing until he got to the top of the incredible plant. He could still hear the voice, still faint but stronger now. He pinpointed it as coming from the left of him and he waved his arms wildly, trying to dissipate the cloudy mist that was everywhere. As he did, he caught sight of what appeared to be a castle in the distance.
"What is this place?" he wondered aloud. "Olympus?" He carefully tested his footing and found that he was able to walk on the cloud-like substance. As he slowly traveled in direction of the castle, he noticed that the cries for help had stopped. A few more feet and he heard the distinctive sounds of singing. It was a woman's voice, light, melodic and very pleasing to the ear. His curiosity pushed him onward and in no time, he found himself before the castle. He looked up. It was enormous, the handle on the door far out of his reach. "A giant beanstalk, a giant castle, why not?" he shrugged, no longer surprised by anything he saw or heard. He tried pushing on the door, but it wouldn't budge. As he rubbed his chin, wondering what his next move would be, he heard the singing once more. This time it was a sad, lonely melody that tugged at his heart. "I've got to find out who that it," he said with determination. His jaw set, he began pushing on the door again with all his might. This time he was able to open it a crack, just enough to squeeze through. He found himself inside a massive hall. All the furniture was huge he looked around cautiously for signs of occupancy. Seeing none, he began to make his way toward the singing. After passing through the large entry he found himself in a galley of some sort. He could smell the aroma of something cooking and wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Smells like boiled cat," he remarked distastefully. Just then, he heard a loud rumbling. Hiding behind one of the large table legs, he watched to see who was approaching. A large woman made her way into the kitchen and began to stir the pot, all the while mumbling to herself.
"Get this, fetch that," she grumbled. "I should have listened to mother. She told me what marriage would be like."
Iolaus heard a sound bellowing from the other room. "Where's my food, woman?"
"Just a minute," she shouted back, "I've only got two hands you know."
Iolaus' curiosity got the better of him and he sneaked around the corner to the other room, quickly dashing behind a large chair. It appeared to be a dining room. A long table occupied the center of the room and at the far end sat the biggest giant he had ever seen. "Whoa!" he breathed, "Herk will never believe this." He ducked as the woman entered the room carrying a large bowl. When she had placed it in front of her husband she stood aside, hands on hips.
"That's the fifth bowl today," she scolded. "And that's all I'm fixin for ya. I'm going to visit my sister so if you want anything else you'll have to get it yourself." Without waiting for a reply she left the room. Iolaus looked at the giant, already digging into the bowl. It was empty in no time and the giant leaned back in his chair, letting out a loud belch. Iolaus crept closer, careful not to give away his presence. He stopped suddenly when the giant sat up straight in his chair, sniffing the air in the room. Iolaus cringed as he heard him start to shout.
"Fee Fi Fo Fum," he cried out, "I smell the blood of a Grecian man."
"Fee Fi Fo Fum?" Iolaus mouthed the words silently. The giant's voice caught his attention again as he continued. "Be he alive or be he dead, I'll grind his bones to make my bread."
Iolaus gulped. He didn't have to be hit over the head to know it was time to get out of the castle. He was about to retrace his steps when he heard the loud scraping of wood against stone as the giant pushed his chair back and stood up. "Woman!" he shouted. Then realizing that she was gone, he mumbled under his breath. "Probably one of her little 'friends' from the book club. Always bringing men into the castle when I'm gone. Well I'll show her. By the time she gets back I'll have finished him off." He belched again, "But maybe not till a little later, that last one didn't sit well with me." He looked around the room smacking his lips distastefully. "Maybe a little music." He lumbered over to a large table in the corner of the room. It was all Iolaus could do to keep his footing amidst the quaking of the giant's heavy footsteps. Only when the giant had returned to his seat did the room cease to shake. Iolaus peeked out from his hiding spot and watched as the giant laid a beautiful gold harp on the table before him. "Play" he commanded in a gruff voice.
Iolaus was about to scoff at the giant's apparent ignorance when he heard the same soft singing he had heard from the top of the beanstalk. He looked on in amazement as he realized that the giant wasn't touching the harp at all. It was playing of it's own accord, a sweet, lilting melody that touched his heart. As he listened, mesmerized, the song was interrupted by a loud snoring noise. Glancing at the giant, Iolaus realized that he had fallen asleep in his chair, no doubt a result of being stuffed to the gills with whatever or whomever had been in the bowl. With the stealth of a cat he crept to the leg of the table, intent on getting a closer look at the wondrous harp. He took a deep breath and began to climb up the sturdy leg, finally reaching the top and trying hard to quiet his panting for fear of waking the sleeping giant. When his breathing had returned to normal, he carefully moved to the harp, all the while keeping a wary eye on his unwitting host. The harp gasped as Iolaus approached and he quickly put a finger to his lips. "Shhh," he said softly, "I'm not going to hurt you." he lifted the heavy harp and carried it to the other end of the table. "My name is Iolaus," he whispered when he was sure they were out of earshot. "How do you sing like that?"
"I'm the magic harp, silly," she whispered back. "I can play and sing on command."
"Cool," Iolaus commented, totally awed by the instrument. "Were you the one I heard calling for help?"
"Yes," she whispered, "I am very unhappy here. I was meant to bring happiness and peace to others. The giant doesn't appreciate me. Play! Sing! Play! Sing! I wouldn't mind so much if I made him happy, but he's always so mean and cruel." Iolaus thought of Sierra.
"I know someone who would really appreciate you," he offered hopefully. "She is an elderly woman living all alone and she could use some companionship."
"Do you mean it?" the harp whispered earnestly, "There have been others, you know, who claimed they would take me away. But the giant always caught them. What makes you so sure you can get away yourself, let alone with me?"
Iolaus grinned. "I've still got a few old hunter's tricks up my sleeve," he bragged.
"Sleeves?" the harp repeated, glancing at the vest he wore. "You don't have any sleeves."
Iolaus rolled his eyes, "It's a figure of speech" he explained, "Never mind, let's get you out of here."
"Wait," the harp whispered, "You have to bring the duck."
Iolaus looked at her in confusion. "The duck?" he repeated.
"Yes," the harp answered, "The duck that lays the golden eggs. It wouldn't be fair to leave her here by herself with that bully."
"Of course," Iolaus shrugged helplessly, "The duck that lays the golden eggs. Good friend of the magic harp, everyone knows that."
"Cynicism isn't going to get you anywhere," she remarked coolly.
"All right," he sighed. "Where is the duck?"
"On the table over there in the corner," the harp whispered.
Iolaus glanced at the table, "Great," he mumbled, "Another table."
"Take me down to the floor first," the harp instructed patiently, "Then when you get the duck off the table, you can pick me up on the way out."
Iolaus picked up the harp and began making his way down the leg of the table. "First the goose, now a duck." he sighed. "I hope she's a little easier to get along with than Zeus was."
"Zeus?" the harp repeated, "Who is Zeus?"
"Well it's a goose," Iolaus explained, "Named after the king of the gods, you know, the mighty Zeus."
"Never heard of him," the harp remarked indifferently.
"That doesn't surprise me," Iolaus sighed. "I'm sure he's never heard of you either."
They reached the floor and Iolaus placed the harp next to the open doorway. "Don't move," he commented before he realized what it was he was talking to. "Never mind."
He raced to the table in the corner and started climbing to retrieve the duck. The bird didn't make a sound as he lifted her from the nest where she sat. In no time at all he had her down on the floor and ran toward the harp. "Let's go," he whispered, grabbing the harp in his free arm.
"Wonderful!" the harp exclaimed joyfully. "No one has ever gotten this far before! I'm so happy I could sing!"
"No! Don't..." the warning came too late as the harp broke into a happy song. Iolaus heard the giant snort as he was awakened from his deep sleep. Running into the kitchen, Iolaus barked at the harp to be quiet, even as he realized that silence was no longer necessary. The giant was already getting up from the table to pursue them and he knew that if they were to be caught, he would surely be in the next batch of stew the giant's wife made. Running through the large hall, he expected to see the door open a crack as it had been when he came in. To his dismay he noticed that it was closed tight, no doubt by the wife's departure. "Great," he hissed, "Now what?" He glanced quickly over his shoulder and saw the giant coming through the room, intent on getting back his prized possessions.
"There's a crack in the wall over there, to your right," the harp informed him. Iolaus dashed to the crack and shoved both the harp and the duck through before diving through himself. Without wasting any time, he scrambled toward the beanstalk balancing the harp and the duck in one arm.
Once he reached the top, he looked back to see the giant coming out of the castle and spotting them. Iolaus climbed down as fast as he could. Before he reached the ground he could feel the stalk shake under the enormous weight of the giant. "I'll be back." he assured them as he lay the harp and duck on the grass. Running for the side of the house where he had first encountered Zeus, he picked up an axe and heading back for the beanstalk. Chopping furiously, he kept glancing up to see if the giant was in view. Just as the bottom of his boots appeared, Iolaus felt the stalk begin to give way. He stepped back and allowed the giants own weight to help topple the already weakened stalk. As the plant came down, so did the giant, the mere force of the fall driving him through the earth into the domain of Hades below.
Iolaus stood panting and wiping the perspiration from his forehead. "Now that was a little too close," he quipped. Picking up the harp and the duck, he went inside the house to introduce Sierra to her new companions. Never again would she be lonely or poor. Iolaus knew that he had made the right choice in exchanging the goose for the beans.
He was a day late getting to Corinth and Hercules greeted him with relief. "Where have you been?" he asked worriedly.
"I got a little sidetracked, Herk," Iolaus smiled. "You see there was this little old lady who needed my help and she had no food or money. So she gave me Zeus the goose to sell for 100 dinars but I only got 20 and some beans. But the beans were like magic or something and they grew this beanstalk that reached way up in the sky, past Olympus I think, but the giant was mean and cruel and he eats people and the magic harp didn't want to stay with him anymore..."
"Iolaus," Hercules interrupted. "You're babbling."
"Never mind," Iolaus chuckled, noticing the look of disbelief on his friend's face. "You wouldn't believe it anyway."
"A goose named Zeus? A magic harp and a beanstalk that reached past Olympus? What makes you think I wouldn't believe that?" he quipped sarcastically.
"You forgot the duck that lays the golden eggs." Iolaus pointed out in amusement.
"Of course I did," Hercules slapped himself in the forehead. "How could I forget the duck that lays the golden eggs. Now, are you going to tell me what happened? You met a girl, didn't you?"
Iolaus thought back to the last couple of days. Sierra had been overjoyed at receiving the duck and the harp had made her cry with it's enchanting melodies. "Yeah," he smiled knowingly, "She was quite a girl all right."
"I knew it," Hercules sighed as they headed for Jason's house. "Why didn't you just say that instead of making up that terrific tale?"
They had only walked a few steps when a flash of light caught their eye. Hades stood before them arms crossed.
"Hades," Hercules exclaimed, concern evident on his face, "What is it? Is it Deianeira and the kids?"
Hades raised a hand to stop the flow of questions. "Your family is fine, Hercules, I'm hear to speak to Iolaus." Turning to the blond man, he frowned. "I understand you're responsible for that large shipment a few days ago. Where did that guy come from? I have no record of him. What am I supposed to do with him? I don't know if he's deserving of the Elysian Fields or Tartarus? Help me out here, will you? Was he a good giant, bad, what?"
"I'd say he was definitely bad," Iolaus grinned, noticing the look of surprise on Herk's face. "Tartarus for sure."
"Fine," Hades shrugged, "A little information, that's all I ask. You can't just send these guys down to me and expect me to know what to do with them you know. I swear, one of these days I'm going to start asking for tags or something." He got a look of surprise on his face. "That's it!" he exclaimed. "A tag. We could attach it to the toe or something. Sure, it would make my job a lot easier." Realizing that the two men were staring at him, he regained his composure. "Well, I guess that's it then." with a nod of his head he was gone.
Iolaus turned to Hercules with an amused smile. "You were saying?"
"Uh... never mind..." Herk shook his head in confusion. "You can tell me all about it later. Right now, I think an ale sounds like a good idea."
Iolaus laughed. "I couldn't agree more."
The End
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